Cyber Hot Flash: Do Parents today still have a voice in what their teens wear?

On the subject of whether or not parents still have a voice in what our teens wear:

You better believe that we still have something to say about what they wear...in our home our daughters and son know that they represent the whole family when they are out in public. Though we do give them or allow them to choose what they wear within the guidelines...while living under our roof they will wear the clothes that we approve of...please see the following:

Now, let me say this...my husband is a card carrying Preppy Handbook sort of guy...my kids have been trained under these guidelines since they were in the womb. Some have tested or tried to cross the line on this hard and fast description of style or fashion. As much of what is in the Handbook is classic...it is hard to argue with and is never met with too much fuss...and many of the brands that teens want to wear are carrying variations of this style...yet, these brands tend to break the bank...we do find one's that fill-out their wardrobe and don't cost as much.

By the time they hit 18 years old and are able to dress themselves by their own choosing...surprisingly enough they have all decided that Dad's way is the best way...my 20 year old daughter owns her own Preppy Handbook now and her younger sisters are following suit...my son has been a different story since he is a skateboarder...but even this group of fashion icons have turned their fashion sense toward a more preppy look...thank goodness! I thought my husband would fall through the floor when my son asked for a pair of those over sized, baggy jeans that don't stay up on their hips...he didn't get them!

My hard and fast rules...no cleavage...you have no breasts until you are married...minimize the bare skin...a nun's habit or priest collar is preferred...no droopy draws or showing of underwear or thongs...where did you put those Grandma undies or the Superman boxers I bought you?...no looking like you shopped by going through the Salvation Army bin...Vintage is okay...bag lady is not...no looking like you slept in your clothes...I realize what you wear is a statement on your personality or your way of self-expression...but wrinkles scream Lazy. If in doubt, consult your father's Preppy Handbook, if you can find the questionable piece of apparel within it(more than likely, you won't) AND your father doesn't have a problem with it...then more than likely I won't. These are my only requirements.

So, I guess the answer to your question is...train them up in the way they should go and when they are older they will not depart from it...OR...”while your under our roof you're not leaving this house in anything that we don't approve of...so, march back up those stairs and put on that ski parka and snow suit we bought you from L. L. Bean..AND...I don't care that we live in the south and it's summer!”

On the topic of tattoos, piercings, lewd T-shirts and high heels:

OMG...I had totally forgotten about the rules on piercings, tattoos, high-heeled shoes and questionable language on t-shirts...

My kids hate my response to this these...

Piercings: Girls can have their ears pierced. Your father and I will pay for two extra holes to be placed on your ear lobes for YOU to take care of, otherwise God has given you enough of these to take care of in the first place...and we have been struggling with getting you to take care of these since you were born. Boy's...you don't need two more, let alone one more...stop trying to make your life so difficult...enjoy the one's you have....you already do!

Tattoos: God has already given you tattoos...they're called birthmarks and moles...(Teenage groan)...Okay, try this one! If God wanted you to be a billboard then He would have put The Message on the outside of you instead of on the inside of you....(teenage groan)...Okay, let's try this one...I didn't carry you for nine months, apply gallons of Baby Magic and soak you in Mr. Bubble and then later become a stockholder in Bath & Body Works for you to decide at 16 to send me roses, declare your love for me or express your free spirit with a butterfly in a place that only God and I should see until your wedding day.

Boys: Your not old enough to be a sailor yet.

T-shirts- Girls - Hanes extra-large, no scoop necks, colors okay...stop showing me that Victoria Secret Catalog....if in doubt wear a turtleneck.

Boys - Plain, white or colored, will consider Sponge Bob, but that stupid cartoon drive me nuts. Refer to your father's Preppy handbook on this one.

High heeled shoes: Girls - If your nose starts bleeding...your heels are too high.

Boys: Son, why are you trying to channel Gene Simmons? Do I have something to worry about here?

Comments from a mother of four teenagers and one tween...who has to keep her sense of humor or she would be sitting in the corner drooling.

Copyright 2008 Amy Harden

The View: Too Much Talk...About Talking to Your Kids

Today's President's Day topic on The View was all about a new book Elisabeth found...in fact she has read it to the point of being "dog-earred". I have tried to find the title and author at the web site...but much to my dismay was unable to get this information for this blog post. (I will further research it and get back later) Needless to say, the discussion was on disciplining children in today's modern society. Let's talk to them and then have them perform acts of random kindness to make up for their offenses...how politically correct is that?!!

Elisabeth, who I normally tend to agree with on most days of the week, was going on and on about how this author doesn't believe that children should be made to apologize for inappropriate acts towards others. Instead, a mother or adult should encourage the offending child to commit an act of kindness toward the offended. For example: child says something nasty to another child and the other child's feelings are hurt...an adult observing this should NOT make the child who made the offending comment apologize for what was said (children don't understand this concept), they should instead go give the offended child a ball or toy that would make that child happy. SAY WHAT? What does this teach either child?

Mother/Adult: "Now, Johnnie that wasn't nice...go give Sally
this toy...it will make her happy!"

Child: "Why would I want to give Sally this toy...she
just pushed me down behind the slide and then stuck her tongue out at me...yeah
right , Ma...you go give Sally a toy."

Break away to the long shot of the whole View cast....Whoopi is sitting there in stunned amazement with the biggest "Say what?!" expression on her face....along with every other mother who was raised in her generation. Whoopi finally speaks up after letting Sherri, Elisabeth and the clueless, Joy have gone on and on about not making a child apologize for an offensive act . Whoopi states that she never allowed her daughter to act in this way...she nipped it in the bud immediately and not necessarily by talking to her child. She would perform the same mean act upon the child, thus demonstrating or allowing the child to feel what the other child had felt...followed by a firm reprimand telling the kid that the behavior was unacceptable. Whoopi even tells a story about how her mother would have handled a situation: if a kid pulled the tail on a cat or dog...her mother would have come up and pulled her hair to let her see how it felt. Joy immediately comments how this indeed would probably teach empathy...yeah! Joy...you actually got something right.

But in the end ALL of The View cast missed the point....Whoopi was the closest to the right anwser....

We as a society do not set boundaries and dealbreakers for our kids. We have proven for years, since the infamous theories of Dr. Spock of Baby & Childcare fame, that talking at children without reprimand or consequences has failed miserably in the raising of our children. If our children do not have boundaries laid down early on...insisting that they apologize for their mean acts and words...these children will not learn how to measure their words and tame their tongues...even their actions towards others. They will blurt out whatever they feel and follow it up with a kindness to buy the offended persons forgiveness...or even physically harm someone thinking that all will be well when they do their community service act toward that person or society.

Elisabeth throw that book away...you will be sorry that you followed this advice.....set boundaries and dealbreakers with your kids....make them apologize for their words and actions, even if they don't understand now...they will learn after awhile because you have pointed out their wrong and made them atone for it by apologizing. Soon you will find that your children will measure their words...learn self-control in their acts...learn to walk away from another who is hurting them with out confrontation, instead of performing senseless acts of kindness for someone who is too young to get it anyways or may be just as guilty of being mean as your child.