Cyber Hot Flash: Do Parents today still have a voice in what their teens wear?

On the subject of whether or not parents still have a voice in what our teens wear:

You better believe that we still have something to say about what they wear...in our home our daughters and son know that they represent the whole family when they are out in public. Though we do give them or allow them to choose what they wear within the guidelines...while living under our roof they will wear the clothes that we approve of...please see the following:

Now, let me say this...my husband is a card carrying Preppy Handbook sort of guy...my kids have been trained under these guidelines since they were in the womb. Some have tested or tried to cross the line on this hard and fast description of style or fashion. As much of what is in the Handbook is classic...it is hard to argue with and is never met with too much fuss...and many of the brands that teens want to wear are carrying variations of this style...yet, these brands tend to break the bank...we do find one's that fill-out their wardrobe and don't cost as much.

By the time they hit 18 years old and are able to dress themselves by their own choosing...surprisingly enough they have all decided that Dad's way is the best way...my 20 year old daughter owns her own Preppy Handbook now and her younger sisters are following suit...my son has been a different story since he is a skateboarder...but even this group of fashion icons have turned their fashion sense toward a more preppy look...thank goodness! I thought my husband would fall through the floor when my son asked for a pair of those over sized, baggy jeans that don't stay up on their hips...he didn't get them!

My hard and fast rules...no cleavage...you have no breasts until you are married...minimize the bare skin...a nun's habit or priest collar is preferred...no droopy draws or showing of underwear or thongs...where did you put those Grandma undies or the Superman boxers I bought you?...no looking like you shopped by going through the Salvation Army bin...Vintage is okay...bag lady is not...no looking like you slept in your clothes...I realize what you wear is a statement on your personality or your way of self-expression...but wrinkles scream Lazy. If in doubt, consult your father's Preppy Handbook, if you can find the questionable piece of apparel within it(more than likely, you won't) AND your father doesn't have a problem with it...then more than likely I won't. These are my only requirements.

So, I guess the answer to your question is...train them up in the way they should go and when they are older they will not depart from it...OR...”while your under our roof you're not leaving this house in anything that we don't approve of...so, march back up those stairs and put on that ski parka and snow suit we bought you from L. L. Bean..AND...I don't care that we live in the south and it's summer!”

On the topic of tattoos, piercings, lewd T-shirts and high heels:

OMG...I had totally forgotten about the rules on piercings, tattoos, high-heeled shoes and questionable language on t-shirts...

My kids hate my response to this these...

Piercings: Girls can have their ears pierced. Your father and I will pay for two extra holes to be placed on your ear lobes for YOU to take care of, otherwise God has given you enough of these to take care of in the first place...and we have been struggling with getting you to take care of these since you were born. Boy's...you don't need two more, let alone one more...stop trying to make your life so difficult...enjoy the one's you have....you already do!

Tattoos: God has already given you tattoos...they're called birthmarks and moles...(Teenage groan)...Okay, try this one! If God wanted you to be a billboard then He would have put The Message on the outside of you instead of on the inside of you....(teenage groan)...Okay, let's try this one...I didn't carry you for nine months, apply gallons of Baby Magic and soak you in Mr. Bubble and then later become a stockholder in Bath & Body Works for you to decide at 16 to send me roses, declare your love for me or express your free spirit with a butterfly in a place that only God and I should see until your wedding day.

Boys: Your not old enough to be a sailor yet.

T-shirts- Girls - Hanes extra-large, no scoop necks, colors okay...stop showing me that Victoria Secret Catalog....if in doubt wear a turtleneck.

Boys - Plain, white or colored, will consider Sponge Bob, but that stupid cartoon drive me nuts. Refer to your father's Preppy handbook on this one.

High heeled shoes: Girls - If your nose starts bleeding...your heels are too high.

Boys: Son, why are you trying to channel Gene Simmons? Do I have something to worry about here?

Comments from a mother of four teenagers and one tween...who has to keep her sense of humor or she would be sitting in the corner drooling.

Copyright 2008 Amy Harden

MidLife Crazies

What Does Red Lights, Sexy Clothing and Disrespectful Kids have in Common?

Recently, I asked a group of women what three things drive them absolutely crazy?
A member wrote::

“Women who are in their 40s who dress like they are 18. You can dress stylish without showing all. I bowl with one lady who is always cold. I told my husband if she would not wear jeans with holes as big as she was, and “trying” to dress so sexy, she would not be cold in the bowling alley.

Kids who are rude, thinking they are the only person on the planet. Do they act this way in front of their parents? They have no respect for older people.

People who have to be the first person at the red light. I worked with a lady many years ago and she admitted that during PMS days, she would KILL to be first at the red light. Haha! If you want to drive crazy, become a race car driver. "

I agree with her about the lady’s who dip into their teenage daughter's closet to pull together their wardrobe. Sexy doesn’t have to mean scantily clad...in fact, I wrote an article a few years ago where I interviewed several men where the majority told me that this was indeed true. Men preferred a woman who was dressed in clothing that left a bit of mystery, feminine, not over done...classy. But why do these women chose to let God and everyone see what they have been blessed with?

Women who dress too young for their age are possibly displaying one of the many signs or clues that she is going through a Mid-life Crisis...especially if her dress prior to her turning 40 or the MLC was more covered up, classy or suitable. If she has always dressed like this...then you can just write it off to ignorance, bad taste or her need to be the center of male attention for all the wrong reasons...feel sorry for this gal...she is probably dealing with a lot more deep down underneath than what little she is wearing AND there is probably a lot more holes she needs to fill other than the ones that in her jeans.

As for kids who are rude and disrespectful... the fact is that as parents we are left with little to do to discipline our children nowadays...sitting in time out or "the naughty spot" just doesn't seem to cut it after a child turns 13 years old. By the time a child has reached this age think of all the many televisions shows and cartoons that they have watched with sassy mouthed, disrespectful children in them. Our young ones tend to mimic these children and we tend to perpetuate it by thinking it is cute...then we wonder why they talk to us like this when they get older....Well, we have taught them to talk to us this way and not nipped the disrespectful tones and quips in the bud long ago when they first started using it to get attention or get a laugh out us.

I also believe the fact that as a nation we no longer live in multi-generational homes and many families are broken due to divorce or they are scattered across the country. When families were made up of children, parents and grandparents all with in the same house or within the same vicinity of each other...children were taught by their elders to respect them. Also, we no longer allow others, whether it is our neighbors or friends, to insist that our children be respectful, let alone discipline them. Back when I was growing up, it was an unspoken rule in our neighborhood that any mother on the block had the right to discipline any child, if they were caught being disrespectful or doing bad things. Today, you run the risk of a huge confrontation which may even include a lawsuit or the police being called. (This did happen to one of my friends) Many of our children are not held accountable for their actions within the home and definitely, not outside of the home.

I have told my children that if they are out of line that anyone can call them on their misbehavior. Also, they had better give me something to stand-on if they want me to go to bat for them if they believe they have been unjustly accused. I will not lie or defend them if indeed they have been disrespectful or done wrong. I have been amazed by how many mothers AND fathers will defend their kid to the death, even when the kid is so openly wrong. This is a disservice to the child and to all the rest of us who have to deal with kid in the future.

As for being the first person at the red light…being number one has been the chant of our nation for many years now. It is in our blood…it’s the reason behind why we get out of bed each day. We are striving for bigger, better…the best. What makes anyone think that this attitude hasn’t finally sunk all the way down to the most inconsequential things in life…like being first at the red light? Anyways, why let it bother you? By all means, let the speed demon, overly competitive nut-job have the first position at the white line or do you not like the fact that person just got the number one position?

So, what is the common thread in these three things? Well, it is the fact that we no longer know how to deal with the changes in our more open and passive/aggressive society. We act out, give in and do anything to be number one…even in the smallest of circumstances….it can just about drive a person crazy.