Guest Blogger: The Lazy Women's Guide to MidLife Reinvention

With all due respect to Oprah, the life coach industry, and my overly-enthusiastic friend Y. who keeps insisting I live an "authentic" life, I'm beginning to think this midlife reinvention stuff is strictly for the birds.

It sounds simple enough in theory. Relying on the wisdom and experience that comes to us at midlife, we take a leap of faith and pursue our deepest passions. Armed with little more than faith in ourselves and a copy of The Secret in our hands, we go forth expecting good things to certainly come our way. 

And let's be honest - after decades spent raising kids, climbing the corporate ladder, and living with the same, predictable man, who among us isn't ready to shake things up a bit? 

Aiding and abetting us is an entire industry that's sprung up to support our ventures. From books to videos to weekend retreats, there is no shortage of charlatans - oops, I mean professionals - lining up to tell us how to get to the next big thing in our lives. 

At 47, I've ploughed through my fair share of reinvention attempts. From the would-be crafting business ($700 in supplies yielded three scarves, one sleeve and zero sales) to the "youthful and playful" hairstyle my new stylist talked me into (he goes by the name of Jean Paul but I prefer to think of him as Edward Scissorhands on speed), I've tried diligently to reinvent myself but sadly, never quite made the grade. 

Reflecting on my failures to launch, I believe I've learned a thing or two about the awakening that comes at this stage of life. As a gesture of support and solidarity for the midlife women who might be reading this, I'd like to pass on some thoughtful advice to make your own midlife reinventions go just that much more smoothly. 

The Lazy Woman's Guide To Midlife Reinvention

1. It's more fun talking about reinvention than actually reinventing.
The planning stage is by far the most rewarding part of the process. What can beat long, contemplative walks, detailed list making of our strengths and interests and endless discussions with friends over dinner about hopes, plans and dreams. 

Play your cards right and you can remain in this stage indefinitely.

2. Don't write a book - read a book.
For those of you who dream of penning the great Canadian novel, try reading a book instead.

Most of us are so busy that we barely have time to read a book. Wouldn't it be a challenge just to start one and finish it in a reasonable amount of time?

And I'm not talking about the dry and slightly depressing Canadian literature your book club insists on reading because it makes them feel intellectual. I'm talking about a good, juicy, Chick Lit read that you can't put down, even if it makes you feel slightly dirty when you're done. 

3. Forget being a Cougar, chasing sexy, younger men. Go after the old guys instead.
Not only is the competition less stiff, older men are much easier to catch. I mean come on - which 40-something woman among us can't outrun an octogenarian in a wheel chair?

4. If you're itching to start a business, keep things on a small scale.
Sure we hear about the success stories but if the truth be told, most businesses fail within a year or two of start-up. 

If you really must scratch your entrepreneurial itch, might I suggest taking a cue from all the mompreneurs of Generation X. Create a simple product and market it from the comfort of your own home. 

I, for one, am waiting for some enterprising midlife woman to invent much needed products like Flash Memory Cards to combat those embarrassing short-term memory blips that come with middle age.

5. Skip the makeover - just get rid of your mirrors.
Why spend thousands on Botox, fillers, a new hairstyle and wardrobe? You're still the same, wonderful person inside that you've always been. 

--Karen Hamilton lives in Toronto, Canada, where she publishes The Best Kept Secret, an e-newsletter and Web site for women over 40. Like the proverbial Seinfeld of the perimenopause set, Karen is fascinated with “the little things” of midlife. You can reach Karen via e-mail at karen@thebestkeptsecret.ca, visit her Web site at www.thebestkeptsecret.ca or enjoy more of her quirky humour at The Best Kept Secret Blog http://blog.thebestkeptsecret.ca/ .

MidLife Crazies

What Does Red Lights, Sexy Clothing and Disrespectful Kids have in Common?

Recently, I asked a group of women what three things drive them absolutely crazy?
A member wrote::

“Women who are in their 40s who dress like they are 18. You can dress stylish without showing all. I bowl with one lady who is always cold. I told my husband if she would not wear jeans with holes as big as she was, and “trying” to dress so sexy, she would not be cold in the bowling alley.

Kids who are rude, thinking they are the only person on the planet. Do they act this way in front of their parents? They have no respect for older people.

People who have to be the first person at the red light. I worked with a lady many years ago and she admitted that during PMS days, she would KILL to be first at the red light. Haha! If you want to drive crazy, become a race car driver. "

I agree with her about the lady’s who dip into their teenage daughter's closet to pull together their wardrobe. Sexy doesn’t have to mean scantily clad...in fact, I wrote an article a few years ago where I interviewed several men where the majority told me that this was indeed true. Men preferred a woman who was dressed in clothing that left a bit of mystery, feminine, not over done...classy. But why do these women chose to let God and everyone see what they have been blessed with?

Women who dress too young for their age are possibly displaying one of the many signs or clues that she is going through a Mid-life Crisis...especially if her dress prior to her turning 40 or the MLC was more covered up, classy or suitable. If she has always dressed like this...then you can just write it off to ignorance, bad taste or her need to be the center of male attention for all the wrong reasons...feel sorry for this gal...she is probably dealing with a lot more deep down underneath than what little she is wearing AND there is probably a lot more holes she needs to fill other than the ones that in her jeans.

As for kids who are rude and disrespectful... the fact is that as parents we are left with little to do to discipline our children nowadays...sitting in time out or "the naughty spot" just doesn't seem to cut it after a child turns 13 years old. By the time a child has reached this age think of all the many televisions shows and cartoons that they have watched with sassy mouthed, disrespectful children in them. Our young ones tend to mimic these children and we tend to perpetuate it by thinking it is cute...then we wonder why they talk to us like this when they get older....Well, we have taught them to talk to us this way and not nipped the disrespectful tones and quips in the bud long ago when they first started using it to get attention or get a laugh out us.

I also believe the fact that as a nation we no longer live in multi-generational homes and many families are broken due to divorce or they are scattered across the country. When families were made up of children, parents and grandparents all with in the same house or within the same vicinity of each other...children were taught by their elders to respect them. Also, we no longer allow others, whether it is our neighbors or friends, to insist that our children be respectful, let alone discipline them. Back when I was growing up, it was an unspoken rule in our neighborhood that any mother on the block had the right to discipline any child, if they were caught being disrespectful or doing bad things. Today, you run the risk of a huge confrontation which may even include a lawsuit or the police being called. (This did happen to one of my friends) Many of our children are not held accountable for their actions within the home and definitely, not outside of the home.

I have told my children that if they are out of line that anyone can call them on their misbehavior. Also, they had better give me something to stand-on if they want me to go to bat for them if they believe they have been unjustly accused. I will not lie or defend them if indeed they have been disrespectful or done wrong. I have been amazed by how many mothers AND fathers will defend their kid to the death, even when the kid is so openly wrong. This is a disservice to the child and to all the rest of us who have to deal with kid in the future.

As for being the first person at the red light…being number one has been the chant of our nation for many years now. It is in our blood…it’s the reason behind why we get out of bed each day. We are striving for bigger, better…the best. What makes anyone think that this attitude hasn’t finally sunk all the way down to the most inconsequential things in life…like being first at the red light? Anyways, why let it bother you? By all means, let the speed demon, overly competitive nut-job have the first position at the white line or do you not like the fact that person just got the number one position?

So, what is the common thread in these three things? Well, it is the fact that we no longer know how to deal with the changes in our more open and passive/aggressive society. We act out, give in and do anything to be number one…even in the smallest of circumstances….it can just about drive a person crazy.