The Luxury of Being a Mid-Life Stay-at-Home-Mom!

I recently was on a conference call with two women whom I met up with through a social network that will remain unnamed, but I will let you know this…it is a knowledge center for those of us who presume to be Boomers of Authority.

The details behind why we were on this call together is of no importance…all that I will say is that I learned that Stay-At-Home Moms are STILL looked down upon by some women who do NOT stay at home or have no children.

Staying at home was a luxury…not a necessity…I was told! That these two other women had to work!

A husband’s ability to support the family on his one salary allowed the fortunate wife/mother to not seek out paid employment…but to pursue very expensive hobbies and causes.

I was told that I had this luxury!!!

Excuse me! I fear that you presume too much!!

Now, before I go any further…I must explain one thing…this comment was made to me after I responded to the overall topic of the conference call. The two women had come together in resonance over the fact that they were at a point in their life that they no longer wanted greatness or fame for themselves…climb the ladder of success, but rather help people and seek the betterment of man or woman…as long as they were helping mankind…they would be satisfied, fulfilled and complete. In their Mid-life journey they had come to crossroads and believed that it was time for change.

I listened.

When my opportunity to speak came I told them that everything that I was doing on the Internet was for FREE. Getting paid had not been my primary goal…in fact, I was very happy that recently I had been making small amounts of money. In any case, I had been “called” to do what I have been doing at my forum, my blogs and at social networks. I was writing because I love to write. I was promoting others work because I was “called” to lift gifted and talented people up on the lamp stand to allow them to shine! I was not necessarily a coach…I was a Shepherdess…a guide. My journey had only recently brought me to place where I felt worthy to ask for payment for what I offered.

If I got paid…I felt blessed…in fact, an e-mail of gratitude was worth more to me than any dollar payment. The little that I have been making was a blessing too...but the goal was to help others from the beginning…fame and greatness…climbing a ladder of success was not my primary goal.

The silence was deafening.

I thought I had lost the connection, until one of the women said:

“Well, isn’t that nice that your husband makes enough money for you to have the luxury to do that…but I have had to work to make ends meet, as I believe (name left out on purpose) has had to do also……”

The woman continued but I didn’t hear one more word she said as I was in absolute shock…rewind to the beginning of this rant.

In my mind I thought:

LUXURY! Excuse me! I fear that you presume too much!!

You don’t know me or my family’s history or the state of our bank account or circumstances.

You don’t know what I gave up over 19 years ago to support my husband and his military career, what I endured through deployments, what I do NOW to support his second career, what I have done to keep my hand in the business that I love, what I do on a daily basis to make sure that my five children have a safe, secure environment to come home to…I am my children’s 24/7/365 day advocate…AND…NO, we don’t have luxury… Do you know how much it would cost to put five kids in Day care?!!! Or now with teenagers, what kind of trouble they can get into when Mom and Dad are at work (Let me tell you about the family who just got their son out drug rehab or the daughter that just popped pregnant because she and her boyfriend were hanging out at the house alone while Mommy was at work)

We are fortunate and blessed that God provides our daily bread…we struggle making ends meet…there is no excess living in my home. My husband and I work hard…very, very hard, while also following the “call” that was given me five years ago. So…no my dear uninformed friend…YOU assume too much about Stay-at-Home Moms and me!

Suddenly, I was pulled out of my angry thoughts, the connection was silent again…the air still uncomfortable…I quickly made a polite excuse to get off the line and hung up…I was so angry I could spit! I hate confrontation and what would it get me by confronting this woman’s attitude.

I was no longer “resonating” with these women…it was a sign!

This conversation has hung in my mind for weeks now, waking me in the middle of the night that finally I felt that it needed to be written about. So, to all the women out there that work and do not stay home…to those who work hard for the money…I am not ranting at you. You GO, girl!

I’m ranting at those women working or not who have the attitude that we Stay-at-Home Mom’s stay at home because our husband earns enough so that we can…that it is a luxury.

I am working very hard at what I do…but money is not the primary goal…helping people is the goal. We sure could use some extra, I would be lying if I didn’t say this…but luxury is not a word I would use for being a Stay-at-Home Mom…luxury to me would be a paycheck and being able to go and have my gifts and talents appreciated on a daily basis. Instead…I follow the call…knowing that God will provide or the Universe is resonating with what I am doing…however you want to view it.

This is a CyberHotFlash…it’s a rant…it is over until the next one…so be aware!

On The Humorous Side: The Hot Flash Club

Welcome to the Hot Flash Club!

Whether you like it or not...this is the beginning of the rest of your life and it will be ushered in on a heat wave...it's too bad it couldn't happen on the beaches of Maui or the Bahamas...reality decided to have it happen across the landscape of your face, neck and body...OH, JOY!!! Isn't middle-age an adventure?!!!

Prepare yourself to coordinate your wardrobe with your coloring from now on...RED is going to be your enemy for the near term! Make sure you don't wear all red, because when you have a hot flash your clothes and skin will blend together...you'll look like a red hot chili pepper and I don't mean you will look like a member of the band with the same name...Oh…you'll look hot, but not sexy...hot...you'll be burning red hot all over...and there will be nothing chilly about you...your new nickname will be Pepper.

Don't worry though you'll learn how to do the newest mid-life dance craze...The Hot Flash...it is a striptease of sorts...there is nothing sexy about it...when you are finished you are dripping with sweat, standing naked in front of a fan and God help the man that wants to touch you after your performance! Your response to this will be: "You're kidding me...Right?!"

Your newest friend, who is replacing your old "friend" is full of as many surprises...but this time you will discover places that you never knew could sweat...new places that have aches and pains...but here is the bonus...you won't remember why...it's kind of like when you gave birth...all the pain of labor...you cursed your husband for putting through it…but afterward you don't remember any of it...so stupid you...you, do it again...then, you remember...you curse your husband...then forget again. Oh...yeah...you start to ramble… a lot because you can't remember your point. Yes, it affects your brain...the few brain cells you have left.

And the grand prize for entering into the Hot Flash Era is (drum roll, please!)

You will never have to worry about wearing white pants ever again!

Welcome...to Mid-Life...embrace the "hot"...and whatever you do... don't sweat the small stuff...it will be over in a flash!

Amy L. Harden Copyright 2008

CyberHotFlash: A Delicious Contest LIVE from Maine

The Maine Lobster Giveaway at the Fresh Maine Lobster web site is a treat that is hard to resist. Check out this new web site and enter to the win a prize worth $100 and receive a LobsterGram Gift Certificate. It is easy to do...just comment on the blog entry, share the link with friends...sit back and digg through the web site.

You will find everything you ever wanted to know about Fresh Maine Lobster: cooking tips, lobster history, recipes and the ultimate information for every lobster lover...the LobsterFest.

Even if you don't win the Lobster Giveaway...you have a discovered a direct source on learning about and ordering Fresh Maine Lobster.

Remember CyberHotFlashers...seafood of any kind is a wonderful source of Omega-3's...we can eat these tantalizing red delicacies without too much worry that it will make our "muffin tops" expand....just don't over due the butter. This is a wonderful treat for we can give ourselves every once and awhile...consider it as a celebration ...a feast we definitely deserve.

Now...go enter this giveaway, while I start boiling the water and melting the butter. Don't forget your lobster bib!

http://www.freshmainelobster.com/the-maine-lobster-giveaway/

Am I Becoming Too Cynical or Bitter?

See the woman to the right....this is the woman that I fear I am becoming...OMG...please don't let this be!!

Since turning 50 years old, I have become more opinionated, less patient, frustrated with the world-at-large....everything seems to rub me the wrong way or will get a rise out of me...and don't forget to add in the new experience of having hot flashes at the most inconvenient of times. Coming of age, yet again, has been just as trying for me as embarking on my teenage years back in the 70's. I struggled then, as I struggle now with all the many changes in my body, in my mind and in the world that revolves around me!

Oprah wants me to find my purpose, while "giving BIG"; The Secret wants me to have a vision and reach for the stars; along with all the many second adulthood books for women out there who want me to jump out of airplanes, climb Mount Everest or give up my career and pursue the one dream I have always held near and dear to my heart....this usually involves wine tasting in France or Napa or renovating an old Victorian home as a Bed and Breakfast. I am supposed to do this while doing Pilate's or yoga fives days out of the week, watching my carbs and eating Omega-3/Antioxidant filled meals, plying my face and body with over priced natural creams and exlirs...ensuring I get eight hours of sleep...all in the pursuit of making sure that my eyes won't puff, my rear end won't drag and my muffin top (a residual from bearing my five children) will not hang over the top of the low-rise jeans that I am forced to purchase because no one carries a jean that covers a muffin top any more that doesn't look like pants that my 80 year old mother would wear.(WHEW!)!

Don't even get me started on plastic surgery, Botox and boob-jobs! My boobs are just fine, thank you very much!!

Do most people really have the extra pocket change to invest in all of this junk? Even though I do have extra money, these things are not what I want my money going toward just because the new way of keeping up with the Jone's is not only having the $800,000 and up custom built home, but being custom built ourselves...this is what will get us through the second half of our lives...Yes, indeed. It is all so temporary...all so material....superficial.!

Somehow I believe we are missing something here. In our effort to find our purpose and discover "the secret", we have raised the bar on ourselves yet again. We no longer view life experience and growth, knowledge and understanding as a priceless commodity...age and wisdom are dismissed. We will risk anything and everything to have what Mr and Mrs. Jones2008 has gotten for themselves. (Here's a Secret: Mr. and Mrs. Jones is in just as much debt, having the same trouble with their kids, is just as unhappy, if not more than most folks in the neighborhood...don't let Mr. Jones's sport car in the drive or Mrs. Jone's botox filled forehead & boob job fool ya!)!

We wrap our lives around celebrity, wanting to look, act and live like people we are not. Women have lost their elegance trying to look like they've walked out of the pages of a magazine, while men fear that being of noble character will some how offend the many women AND men in their lives...in the end men have been put in the position of being doormats.!

Simplicity is no longer simple...there is even a proper media dictated method of going about this also. Even in today's society trying to keep your life easy going, calm, uncomplicated...simple is work.
!

Now I ask you my friends...if all this be true...is there any wonder on most days that I worry that I will one day end up looking like the lady above? Maybe a good airplane jump or a trek up a mountain would do me some good....maybe a pinch of Botox in the corners of my mouth to force a smile.............NAH!!!!!!!

Making or Breaking the Grade

Today's Cyber Hot Flash: Are our children being prepared to compete on an international level?

According to a story on Good Morning America highlighting an upcoming film documentary on the education system in the United States....it is a resounding NO!

In the story they compared the educational systems of China and India to ours...US schools just aren't competitve enough. Students in China and India will not move forward in to Junior and Senior High School unless they succesfully test or meet the high standards of these advanced schools...thus leaving them without a complete education and forever restricting them to a certain part of their societies and cultures.

This is not only true in China and India...but I learned this first hand when I was stationed in Japan back in the 1980's. Getting into Senior High School in the Japanese society is not a given...you MUST test in with high scores or you are left behind, with no hope of ever going on to college....your life is determined at the young age of 15-16 years old. Many Japanese will enter in to the military...it is here that they will learn a trade...AND...college is still not a future option.

I am unsure if this still remains true in Japan...but I believe that probably things have not changed that much in 20 years....change comes much more slowly there. If anything I am sure the standard has probaly been raised much higher than when I was living in this awesome country. The competition was extremely high even then.

Should we be concerned about our students ability to compete on an international scale?....You bet ya! Our educational standard affords the opportunity for all children to go to high school even if they are bearly making the grade...in fact, they are required by law in most states to attend school until they are 18 years old. Some even fail and fail and fail until they reach the cut-off age...then leave or even choose to drop out OR they choose to just get by knowing that some college will probably take them on. This is not so in Japan, China or India...college students are their stellar students...they have earned there place through intense study, high scoring tests and diligence. They have proven themselves over and over again...the the tests and standards weeds the other students out.

Now, I am not saying we don't have these types of super achieving students here in the US....but I do believe that our educational standards are not as high as many of the emerging international cultures/societies. Our educational systems are not necessarily in the business of weeding out the good students from the bad....they want everyone to be given an education no matter what their ability levels.

One important fact that must be brought out here is that these countries school year is much longer than ours. Japanese students go to school year round with only August off...BUT...this time is not necessarily for going to the beach or hanging out with friends...these kids are required to do research papers or projects in all of their classes during this August break....they are due on the day that they return. I'm not talking about a 'What I did during my summer vacation "essay....I am talking about full fledged research papers with in-depth projects in about six subjects!

I wonder what our kids would do if they had to do this type of thing over summer break...Hmmmm?....Would be interesting to find out...wouldn't it?

In any case....this GMA story was very interesting. Please check it out at the following link...come back and comment.

In my humble opinion...this is not new....we are more than 20-years behind the curve on this one!

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4316090&affil=wrtv

USA Today- Middle-Age Article No New News

"USA Today - "Middle-Age is truly depressing, study finds"

Duh! Okay...tell us something we don't already know and then don't tell us why this is the trend! Skim the surface of the subject and then have every news outlet from ABC's Good Morning America to the Evening News trot out all the middle aged Pollyanna's that have reached or are in Mid-Life "Nirvana". Give me a break!

I guess we will have to wait for the report to come out in the journal of Social Science and Medicine...but even then I am wondering if this research was too broad, not taking in to consideration cultural factors and various other indicators, let alone that they grouped men and women together...or did they?....they didn't tell us...now did they.

Let's just take the fact that the research study included people in 80 different countries, from Albania to Zimbabwe. WHAT?!!! I can't relate to this! Where does the U.S. fall in between these countries? Then they tell us that only 72 countries showed this "U-shaped pattern". Which countries showed this and did the U.S. fall into this grouping? What countries didn't have a "U-shaped pattern"? I don't know...do you?!

But we are supposed to remain calm...relax...accept what this study is showing...read the story...watch the news...take a collective sigh of relief as we realize that everyone who is entering into their 40s are depressed...it is out of their hands...just go with it....take your anti-depressant...it will all be over by your 50Th birthday! YEAH...RIGHT!

Excuse me, while I get into a lotus position...repeat my mantra and become one with the universe...

Who are these people kidding? Mid-Life is much more complex than this study is revealing...at least at this point.