Mars and Venus Collide...again.

Wife takes seriously ill husband to doctor.

Doc to wife:

 "Give him healthy breakfast daily...

Be pleasant & in good mood.

Cook tasty dinner & don't discuss your problems with him.

Let him watching tv and don't burden him with house work.

Don't demand new clothes or shoes.

Make love as often as he wishes the way he likes it.

If you do this for one year, your husband will be OK."

On way home, husband asks wife: "What did doctor say?"

Wife: "Dr. says you will die very soon..." (unknown author)

ROFL

  

On the Flip-side:

Husband takes seriously ill W to doctor:

Doctor to husband:

"Give her a healthy breakfast every morning.

Be in a pleasant mood.

Appreciate the tasty meals she cooks and LISTEN don't fix her problems...encourage her to explore her talents and gifts.

Don't bury yourself in your computer, TV or iPhone.

Compliment and NOTICE the things she is doing for you and family.

Realize that taking care of children and a home is work too and she may be tired. SEX is NOT on the top of her list. But a bubble bath, nap, taking care of the kids or cleaning the dirty kitchen might get her in the mood more often. 

(one time doesn't count)

If you do this for one year your wife will be okay."

On the way home, wife asks husband: "What did the doctor say?"

Husband: "Dr. says you will die very soon."

Wife: "Yeah I know...I was lucky you noticed anything was wrong and brought me to him...but, what did he say?" (ME)

WE both (men and women) need love and nurturing...to be listened to and appreciated.

Internet Addiction and Mid-life Women

In my experience as a writer, researcher and coach for Women in Mid-life Crisis and Depression the number one escape used to be your typical offenders...alcohol, drugs, shopping and more than likely the "affair"...all are addictions or the drug of choice. BUT...the newest drug of choice which is used to feed the other drug..."The Affair"...is now the Internet. Women have given themselves permission to use the Internet as a tool to have what they believe as innocent dalliances with men. It has grown to the point that some married women are even creating pornographic web cam sites that they live out their sexual fantasies from a distance...they excuse it as not being an affair because it is "physical"...they aren't harming anyone...they don't even know these men who watch them. They convince themselves that it is innocent!

Tell this to the husband's at the Women in MLC forum, who have recently joined telling us that their wife was rolling on the floor in a 2-year tirade because he had turned off the Internet access...or the man who's wife was recently asked to resign from an administrative level job because she was caught after hours holding a pornographic peep show on the company owned computer in her office.



This IS Internet addiction...just like Internet pornography addiction for a man...women are not looking at the pornography...they are participating in it!

It is the same thing but now women are finding their own way of doing it and it is coming out through Internet dating and singles sites. I have never checked out Second Life...but many women who are caught in an MLC find their way to Match, eHarmony or Ashley Madison and other web sites that are popping up on the Internet specifically geared for women who are married and want to have an affair. Even SKYPE is filled with women married and single who are sharing their wares or sexual fantasies with men around the world and there is a ton of men out there that are looking for exactly this type of supposed "innocent" dalliance.

The key to all of this is the perception that Internet sexual activity is "innocent"...it means nothing. This is why is it is so important to understand that the emotional affair is just as harmful as the physical affair. An emotional affair is just as destructive...it eats away at the fabric of what is right and good in a marriage. This is why even in the Bible it says that to even lust in one's mind is a form of adultery. If a person will emotionally commit adultery the chances that they will give themselves permission to commit physical adultery grows larger...they become numb to the consequence of their actions.

Internet activity needs to have its' perimeters. A woman MUST be very careful about who she is associating and talking with...there are Internet predators on-line that are looking for desperate, lonely women, who have low self-esteems...ready and willing and able to RISK everything and anything for just the thrill of a few moments of internet sexual thrills.

Internet addiction with women can start as simply as creating a Facebook or My Space profile...even going to some of the women's based social networks or magazines that are popping up on-line all the time that allow men to also join. A woman MUST be diligent in who she befriends on the internet. There are also many applications that can be added to their profiles which non-verbally opens her up to be hit on by men who really don't care that her profile says that she is married or not. Many women who are married, but looking to get a self-esteem massage, will not indicate their relationship status or they just say they want to make friends and network.

Checking your wife's internet activity is one of the FIRST a things a husband should do. Be thorough with your checking...not just the history of her activity...go to her profiles and see who she is befriending...go to the friend's profile and see what type of a person they are and who they are also talking with on a day to day basis. If the friend’s list is filled with good-looking women…this man is creating a stable…it is the first tip off that his Facebook or Social Network is NOT for business…it is for his viewing and hitting on pleasure.

The following is a list of internet sites that you should be looking for:

Facebook 

My Space

SKYPE

Match

eHarmony

Ashley Maddison

Yearbook

Classmates

Chemistry

SugarDaddie

MarriedDateLink

AffairsClub

AffairsMatch

LonelyWivesAffair

meet2cheat

BeNaughty

MarriedSecrets

MarriedCafe

FindNewPassion

Desperate-Wives

Tagged


There could be more...but this is the list I pulled from one search off of Google. Please know that any Social Network is a venue for your wife to search for an on-line affair. You just never know who is lurking there.

 
Please join us at Women in MLC  a Forum for women who are struggling with transitioning through mid-life and found themselves in crisis are more than welcome, aalong with the husband's who are have found themselves cauught up in the storm of their wive's MLC...Please join us today!

Additional Information on this topic:

Since publishing this article, I have had several people make me aware of another web site that is very addictive with sexual overtones that can be used by women who want to play with the idea of an Emotional Affair over the internet. The web site is called SecondLife, a 3-D Virtual World. I will admit that I only went to the main page and did not download the game to look at it personally....but I have it by good authority from a husband whose wife became addicted to this site and met several men, who she then had emotional afairs with. Please add this to the above list.

I am not proposing that only women fall prey to Internet Addiction..in fact until recently the statistics for women becoming addicted to internet activity was extremely low. It has only been in the past three years that Experts, such Michael Shelby(www.shallbe.com) and Dr. David Greenfield (www.virtual-addiction.com) have found that women are increasingly becoming addicted to the internet...to almost the same levels as men.

In fact, Internet Addiction does not discriminate. the afore mentioned experts are seeing all ages, gender, race, class, religion...you name it coming through their doors asking for help to loosen the grip or tackle this addiction. It is even being looked at by the AMA as a classified addiction that needs to be treated and can be detrimental to the health and well-being of the person who is addicted.(i.e. which will mean helath insurance companies will recognize it as an official addiction and cover rehabilitation and treatment)

So, this topic is not light one. Internet Addictions can not be blown off anymore to just a man looking at porn on his computer. Internet addiction is breaking up marriages, families and homes. It is not just a man's problem anymore...the women have found a way to use the internet in such a way that it is addictive and feeding a need that they are lacking in...it is not harmless or innocent in any way shape or form.

Many women are in denial not only about their MLC...but also about their vulnerabilty to internet addiction...these very same women have lectured their children about the fantasyland time on the internet and cautioned them against internet predators, all the while not realizing that they are suusceptible to the very same dangers.

So, what can we do about it? Be aware! Don't be in denial about it! Know that internet addiction doesn't discriminate. My main point is: Women in Mid-Life Crisis are even more susceptible to Internet addiction because it is fantasy; it can be anonymous; it feeds a need or fills a hole that is lacking; it provides what they believe is innocent, permissable thrills and adventure..ESCAPE from there real world....and on top of it all there are predators out there that are so willing and able to accommodate it!

If you are interested in this topic, please tune in Thursday night, April 23rd at 8:00 PM EST to H Les Brown's Blog Talk Radio Show - Midlife Mastery, where Les, Michael Shelby and I will discuss Virtual/Internet Addiction and Women at Mid-life.
»

MidLife Mindset - You Always Have the Power!

I have been taking a much needed break from all my blogging at various web sites to work on my upcoming book on Women in MLC. Indeed, there is very little out there for women who are going through Mid-life Crisis...in fact, the age for the crisis keeps on dropping...but the textbook quality of what is happening is not changing...just what we are calling it. Most books on MLC skim over the pain, hurt, confusion and frustration...they expect every woman to be able to breeze through the change or just pick themselves up by the boot straps and move on. The women that can do this are NOT in crisis...they are merely in transition. Transitioning women have the needed coping skills, the needed support and a positive mindset to work through the changes that are occurring in their lives, while those who are in crisis become lost, confused and frustrated... they don't have the tools to fix or deal with what is going on....they need to go back and get or replenish their life's toolbox.

Hitting mid-life is not necessarily a criteria for falling into life crisis...it is very apparent in my research that our younger sisters and daughters are also having difficulty in finding the meaning to their lives. Thirty year olds are now having the Quarter-Life Crisis (QLC), the Twenty year olds are being lumped in with QLC's but I call them Bi-centennial-life Crisis (BLC)...if anyone knows the real name for this age...tell me...I can't find it. BUT...all of these women are struggling with their identities, their significance, what makes them excellent; worthy...they want to create meaning in their lives...find happiness and abundance. Why? The meaning of way we live our life in our society has changed over the years...what used to be taboo is no longer AND we live lives that are at a much faster pace with larger expectations attached. We are inundated with messages...definitions that do not correlate with the way we were raised or the way our parents were raised. In our day and time...just about anything goes...we consciously believe that we can live without boundaries and deal breakers BUT the fact that our family histories or legacies rule our days subconsciously, we tend become fragmented, unbalanced...confused. In the end, whatever your age, no matter what triggers or symptoms that you believe is causing the crisis...it all goes back to your perspective or your mindset...it is what you believe to be true about your life!

Knowledge, understanding, a positive mindset...an understanding about the way your brain works, along with a strong life strategy is the foundation and framework you need to live a life of significance, success and abundance. If you don't have these things in your toolbox...it is time to go back and get them. Only you can do this...it is hard work...it takes perseverance, strength and a willingness to go full out! If you are at the point that you will do anything and everything to be happy...then start with your inner being first...do NOT rely on others to steer your life's ship...YOU must be the master and commander of your life's direction. Destructive behaviors, such as affairs, addictions, divorce, over spending are NOT an option...the mess you will make with these behaviors will only destroy you in the end. Do you really need to have others tell you their stories of how these behaviors destroyed them? Only teenagers believe that they are invincible...you are long past this stage...let's start where you are! Discernment will be your best friend throughout this change...you will have to sift through all the information that is given you. Start using your brain first...your heart always follows...in fact...it is your brain that controls the heart...not the other way around. Wrap your mind around this understanding...if you can do this...you have made a grand step forward!

Please stay tuned because I will be posting articles and creating a new blog named " Mindset for Life. on this subject that will help you, but in the mean time, I highly recommend anyone wanting to get a head start, please purchase or download a copy of John Assaraf's book, "Having It All: Achieving Life's Goals and Dreams". The audio version is excellent because Mr. Assaraf reads the book himself and his passion and knowledge on the subject is electrifying. Mr. Assaraf is a highly successful business man and he applies his theories and strategies to every aspect of his life....you can too by listening, learning and doing the techniques outlined in his book! I have had great success and abundance in all aspects of my life since reading, learning and using the techniques that John Assaraf teaches.  Please take the time to go my video bar and watch Mr. Assaraf speak on "Having It All".  If you ever have the chance of  seeing John Assaraf in person...GO....you will glad that you did!

Finally, it really doesn't quite matter what your age is anymore...all human beings move or transition through the seasons of life...this we have no control over...BUT...we do have control of HOW we transition...we can either choose the transition, work and adjust to create positive change OR we can fall in to crisis, turn our lives upside down...destroy what is good and regret the bad and allow the change to eat us from the inside out. It IS your choice...which do you want...or should I say...which do you NEED?  

You have always had the power...the power is in positive mindset!

"Dorothy: Oh will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
The Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
The Tin Man: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"

Taken from Wikipedia on November 10, 2008. http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Wizard_of_Oz

Join us at Women in MLC: The Dorothy Syndrome at:

http://www.womenimlc.lefora.com/forum/

If Your Spouse is Cheating...It's All Your Fault!

The most popular topic on the Oprah.com lately has been about the two most recent visits by Dr. M. Gary Neuman, author of “Why Men Cheat”. Women by the millions tuned in both days to find out the answer to this most frustrating, devastating and destructive subject, only to find out that, in a nut shell, it was primarily their fault. Did you hear the deafening, angry screaming coming from all the homes of Oprah fans across the nation...probably across the world? Every married woman, whether they had been cheated on or not, leapt out of their seats screaming, “Are you kidding me? It's MY fault! Oh, no, it's NOT!

Dr. M. Gary Neuman has got it wrong about why men cheat and he'll have it wrong for women too!

It doesn't have anything to do with the marriage or the relationship or sex. It has nothing to do with being a man or a woman...it has everything to do with being a broken human being.

Yes, it's about attention...but NOT the fact that the spouse isn't meeting the needs of their partner in the attention category.

Yes, most marriages get consumed by the every day stresses of raising a family, working and taking care of their homes. Marriage is work...relationships have their ups and downs...life happens. Husbands and wives enter in to their marriages with expectations that are perpetuated by the media, entertainment and a society that is sexually over-stimulated with little moral fortitude. This is a broad cultural explanation and not addressing the root causes of why human beings cheat on their mates.

The reason men AND women cheat is their mindset is wrong. They are relying on others to define them, feed their egos and fill holes that have been left empty since childhood. It is a flaw or disconnect with the individual that is cheating. Cheating occurs due to an inability to cope with an individuals life in the present, as a result of what has occurred in their past. The spouse is paying the bill for all of the past sins, circumstances, relationships and experiences that is stuffed in the cheaters baggage.

My research has shown most women and men who cheat are control freaks or perfectionists; either first-born, babies or only children in their families. Yes, it's more emotional than physical BUT if asked, you will discover certain personality traits, unresolved childhood issues that relate to physical/emotional abuse, exposure to addiction, broken homes or that their parents were cheaters too. Cheaters may have learned by example OR they've never met anyone's expectations or even met their own. They search for someone who will except the fantasy person that they portray.

Most spouses are doing what Dr. Neuman suggests: encouraging, paying attention, having intimacy.

On the first show there was the couple who was having great sex, family life, but he was still cheating! Even this man was confused about why he was cheating. Why? It's because it was NOT about his marriage, family or job. It WAS about him! He was subconsciously sabotaging his marriage, family and life. One of the other couples sat there with same dazed “This is not it either.” look on their faces. In the second show most of the couples seemed to not to accept what Dr, Neuman was saying...that it was about the attention they received from the other woman and the fact that the wife was not fulfilling her duties in giving the proper attention to her husband. HOGWASH!

I was able to get my free download of Dr. M. Gary Neuman's book titled "The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and How you Can Prevent It." that was offered following the first Oprah show that he appeared on. I have not read it yet and the above commentary is only on the Oprah shows that Dr. Neuman appeared and discussed why men cheat.

To be honest the audience was filled with uncomfortable and guilt ridden men and their wives that only wanted answers to why their husband cheated on them. To say that the women could not accept Dr. Neuman's explanation for why they cheat, would be an understatement. Most of the men sat taller in their seats as the doctor pointed the finger at the ladies, saying that they had to work harder at paying attention, having gratitude for what their husbands provided and did for them. Yet, when several women countered the good doctor on his direction by saying that this is a two way street with in the marriage AND that there is no excuse for cheating, especially in the case that a man's ego is not being fed. These women were angry and insisting, if not demanding that their husbands were not teenage boys with raging hormones, but mature adults that should be able to keep a moral code and ethic and not become weakened because their egos were not being stroked properly. Many women in the audience refused to accept the doctors theory and the commentary rages on in this vein after the show and on in the forums under this very same topic.

By the end of the show, the men were slouching in their seats again in a pool of their guilt, wondering why they did what they did, while their wives sat on the edges of their seats waiting to hear the correct answer or the real truth to 'Why men cheat?"

The solution to the cheating problem in both men and women has to come from the person who is cheating. Resolving childhood issues, finding their true north, practicing positive mindset which include affirmations, positive visualizations and healing their inner being, which will recalibrate a cheaters life. It is NOT about the wife and what she is or is not doing. It is NOT about the fact that the husband isn't getting enough sexual satisfaction. It is NOT about the marriage or the relationship. It is about the cheater sending out the vibration of a cheater, so they attract those who will help them cheat. It is about the emptiness that was there within the man or the woman even at the beginning of the marriage. The wife or husband has been able to fill the hole or feed the need until the cheater needs to up the ante, increase the dosage...get an attention fix. They choose to cheat! We are talking about a new type of addiction here...the addiction to people or attention...it is like a drug. Just like in other addictions the root lies in the past, in unresolved issues, low self-esteem, poor decisions and destructive behaviors. Does this sound familiar to anyone? It IS an addiction...not treated correctly...they will cheat again.

To blame the spouse for the cheaters actions is justification, rationalization and pointing blame in the wrong direction. The blame sits squarely on the cheater! It is up to the cheater to dig deep, work hard at resolving their problems and holding to their commitment to not choose to pick up their addiction again.

Dr.Neuman, you are wrong...wrong...wrong! Your explanation is only perpetuating this epidemic of cheating by pointing the finger of blame at the faithful partner. Shame on you!

Women at Mid-Life Dreaming of Divorce While Happily Married

"She's Happily Married, Dreaming of Divorce" http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/26/o.divorce.dreams/, an article by Ellen Tien, a columnist at the Oprah Magazine was recently brought to my attention and asked to comment on it. Eagerly I clicked the link and began reading, wondering why it had been sent to me in particular for comment. As I read through the paragraghs, I soon realized why my friend had sent me this diatribe on a woman who claimed to be happily married, but secretly dreamed of being divorced...it was a perfect word picture of the many women that I write about, coach and speak to at events. Most importantly Ms Tein seemed to be planting the seed in her female readers minds that these feelings, dreams and desires were alright AND that their complaints and discontent were something that all wives have in common...so why not dream of divorce...in a very subtle way she was giving women permission to even act on their divorce dreams...she said it without even saying it. The resulting disgruntled and mostly negative comments that followed seemed to bear my overall reaction to the article out. I was unable to add my comments to the long list due to the fact that CNN had suspended commentary...so, I bring my comments here to our lovely group, just in case you read this article in the May issue of "O" magazine or caught it on the web.

Yes, this IS a thoroughly depressing view of marriage...yet a real...true statement of where our view of marriage is and what it has become. Not only is this a depressing view of marriage...it is also a horrible statement on the role of women in the United States and maybe even the world today. I am not talking about our roles as wives and mothers...I am talking about our view of who we are as women in today's world.

Women today are so caught up with being DIVAS and bitches...being bulldogs instead of being women of excellence, significance and grace.... embaracing elegance. We have taken the power that we gained through equality and morphed it into something bigger than we can truly handle. We convince ourselves that the grass is really greener on the other side, while forgetting that all who risk checking out the greener grass discover that the grass is green no matter what side of the fence they are on...no matter whose backyard they are in...Green IS green...it's all grass!

Articles like this one are extremely harmful to women, their families and their marriages. It gives permission to many women who are on the fence...trying to decide if they should remain in their own backyard or explore others. It gives a woman the sense or a feeling that they are not alone in their questioning...in their discontent...it fans a fire that naturally comes around at mid-life...one that every one of our mother's had ...even our grandmothers...but society at the time did NOT give them permission to explore. This article and other books that are being written for women in MLC are encouraging them to throw their morals and ethics aside, grant themselves permission to step out of their responsibilities and roles and be mavericks...focusing purely on themselves, their wants , needs and desires. It is shallow! It IS narcissistic! But then that is what our society has been doing ever since the "ME generation" came in to existence....it's just a continuation of the thought pattern. It didn't really work then...it doesn't work now.

As usual, women of the United States easily eat up what ever the media or Oprah feeds them...convinced that this is the gospel truth. The fact that this article appears in Oprah's magazine MUST mean that she agrees with the author. it must be okay...Right?! NO!!! Not even Oprah expects everyone to accept what she feeds them...she does expect women and men to be discerning in what information she is providing. Not even Oprah agrees with all the people who are on her guest coach on certain subjects.

This is what is important about this article...indeed this is a problem that many women today are struggling with...in fact the majority of women at middle age deal with these very same questions, discontent and inability to cope with their lives as they know it. The problem with this article IS...the author infers that it is okay to feel this way AND she even plants the seed that it is okay to even act upon these thoughts. This is NOT okay. The "everybody else is doing it "bandwagon is in full tilt here. Who says this at 40, 50, and 60 years old? Women and men who have not matured enough to evaluate their circumstances clearly...measure their emotions and the possibilities of their actions if indeed they decide to act upon leaving their marriage...that's who says this sort of thing. A teenager throws this response at their parent when they have been caught drinking, smoking or having sex. Are we to accept that it is okay as mothers and wives...women...that because we are presently discontent it is okay to act like our children? How is that being a good role model?

Ladies, we do not have to accept every message that the media or people of other viewpoints are throwing at us. Just because we ALL feel discontent, boredom, empty, frustrated and confused about our lot in life does NOT mean that we throw away our marriages and our family as we know it today. We have the power to change it...we have to realize that the answers are living in our own backyards...the power lies with in US....not our husbands...our children...our homes.

Everything this author has pointed out in her story as a point of contention in this marriage is in this women's control...she has just chosen not to do something about it...she has chosen to be a victim of her own circumstances. As she points the blame at her husband and children, she is preparing her justifications for any actions or behaviors she might take in the future, no matter how right or wrong.

As women and even as men...we need to look at our hand when we are pointing blame and giving ourselves permission...one finger points at another person...all the rest are pointing back at ourselves...who's to blame? Who ends up being the victims in the end? Think about it!

Final words: We end up sacrificing our life legacy by selfishly seeking temporary pleasures or successes and being a part of a women's movement that is still trying to figure who they are in the grand scheme of things...we end up throwing our husbands and children under the bus....we end up only hurting ourselves.

(C)Amy L Harden 2008 All rights reserved.

NEW Women In MLC: The Dorothy Syndrome Forum

What the heck is the Dorothy Syndrome and what does it have to do with mid-life crisis?

Well, it has everything to do with MLC! The Dorothy Syndrome is a phrase that I coined and is the premise for my upcoming book titled "The Dorothy Syndrome: Mid-life on the Yellow Brick Road". While coaching at another web site forum, I started using the metaphors used in one of my favorite stories and movies..."The Wizard of OZ". I was astonished at how easily I could use the dialog from the movie or premise of the story to describe the transitions, emotions, the typical experiences that occur during an MLC, whether it be for the woman or the man. The forum members could easily understand the correlations and even began using the same analogies that I had started in my discussions.

As a preliminary promotion of my upcoming book I have created a forum for both women and men to come discuss, receive encouragement and guidance on MLC. I will be continuing my dialog using the Dorothy Syndrome metaphor/analogy. The forum for the women is primarily for women who are experiencing the crisis themselves, not necessarily for women who are dealing with their husbands who are in MLC, while the men's side is for husbands dealing with a wife in MLC. This forum is a safe haven for the women and learning ground for the men. It has been only recently that women in MLC has been acknowledge as a true experience that we go through. In fact the degree of MLC that women experience is STILL downplayed or brushed off as something that the woman will just get over or will end when they're finished going through menopause. Do not kid yourself...this is real...it can get very bad...it has many causes and triggers...it doesn't miraculously go away. Many families are being torn apart by this new phenomena....BUT...there is hope...in the knowledge and understanding of the what I call the MLC tornado, the process that each MLCer MUST go through to discover that they have always had the power to go "home".

Come join me at www.womeninmlc.lefora.com/forum/ and discover what you can do to avoid the pitfalls of having the Dorothy Syndrome or if you are living with a Dorothy...discover what you need to do to keep the Flying monkeys at bay. Even if you are not experiencing this phenomena...learn about the syndrome...keep your eye out for the signs...be amazed at how common it is today...send the link to a friend who may be in need of our counsel.

Believe me when I tell you...a person who is in MLC must travel the Yellow Brick Road to discover their brain, heart and courage...you can not tell them these things...they wouldn't believe you anyways.

Please join us!

Am I Becoming Too Cynical or Bitter?

See the woman to the right....this is the woman that I fear I am becoming...OMG...please don't let this be!!

Since turning 50 years old, I have become more opinionated, less patient, frustrated with the world-at-large....everything seems to rub me the wrong way or will get a rise out of me...and don't forget to add in the new experience of having hot flashes at the most inconvenient of times. Coming of age, yet again, has been just as trying for me as embarking on my teenage years back in the 70's. I struggled then, as I struggle now with all the many changes in my body, in my mind and in the world that revolves around me!

Oprah wants me to find my purpose, while "giving BIG"; The Secret wants me to have a vision and reach for the stars; along with all the many second adulthood books for women out there who want me to jump out of airplanes, climb Mount Everest or give up my career and pursue the one dream I have always held near and dear to my heart....this usually involves wine tasting in France or Napa or renovating an old Victorian home as a Bed and Breakfast. I am supposed to do this while doing Pilate's or yoga fives days out of the week, watching my carbs and eating Omega-3/Antioxidant filled meals, plying my face and body with over priced natural creams and exlirs...ensuring I get eight hours of sleep...all in the pursuit of making sure that my eyes won't puff, my rear end won't drag and my muffin top (a residual from bearing my five children) will not hang over the top of the low-rise jeans that I am forced to purchase because no one carries a jean that covers a muffin top any more that doesn't look like pants that my 80 year old mother would wear.(WHEW!)!

Don't even get me started on plastic surgery, Botox and boob-jobs! My boobs are just fine, thank you very much!!

Do most people really have the extra pocket change to invest in all of this junk? Even though I do have extra money, these things are not what I want my money going toward just because the new way of keeping up with the Jone's is not only having the $800,000 and up custom built home, but being custom built ourselves...this is what will get us through the second half of our lives...Yes, indeed. It is all so temporary...all so material....superficial.!

Somehow I believe we are missing something here. In our effort to find our purpose and discover "the secret", we have raised the bar on ourselves yet again. We no longer view life experience and growth, knowledge and understanding as a priceless commodity...age and wisdom are dismissed. We will risk anything and everything to have what Mr and Mrs. Jones2008 has gotten for themselves. (Here's a Secret: Mr. and Mrs. Jones is in just as much debt, having the same trouble with their kids, is just as unhappy, if not more than most folks in the neighborhood...don't let Mr. Jones's sport car in the drive or Mrs. Jone's botox filled forehead & boob job fool ya!)!

We wrap our lives around celebrity, wanting to look, act and live like people we are not. Women have lost their elegance trying to look like they've walked out of the pages of a magazine, while men fear that being of noble character will some how offend the many women AND men in their lives...in the end men have been put in the position of being doormats.!

Simplicity is no longer simple...there is even a proper media dictated method of going about this also. Even in today's society trying to keep your life easy going, calm, uncomplicated...simple is work.
!

Now I ask you my friends...if all this be true...is there any wonder on most days that I worry that I will one day end up looking like the lady above? Maybe a good airplane jump or a trek up a mountain would do me some good....maybe a pinch of Botox in the corners of my mouth to force a smile.............NAH!!!!!!!

USA Today- Middle-Age Article No New News

"USA Today - "Middle-Age is truly depressing, study finds"

Duh! Okay...tell us something we don't already know and then don't tell us why this is the trend! Skim the surface of the subject and then have every news outlet from ABC's Good Morning America to the Evening News trot out all the middle aged Pollyanna's that have reached or are in Mid-Life "Nirvana". Give me a break!

I guess we will have to wait for the report to come out in the journal of Social Science and Medicine...but even then I am wondering if this research was too broad, not taking in to consideration cultural factors and various other indicators, let alone that they grouped men and women together...or did they?....they didn't tell us...now did they.

Let's just take the fact that the research study included people in 80 different countries, from Albania to Zimbabwe. WHAT?!!! I can't relate to this! Where does the U.S. fall in between these countries? Then they tell us that only 72 countries showed this "U-shaped pattern". Which countries showed this and did the U.S. fall into this grouping? What countries didn't have a "U-shaped pattern"? I don't know...do you?!

But we are supposed to remain calm...relax...accept what this study is showing...read the story...watch the news...take a collective sigh of relief as we realize that everyone who is entering into their 40s are depressed...it is out of their hands...just go with it....take your anti-depressant...it will all be over by your 50Th birthday! YEAH...RIGHT!

Excuse me, while I get into a lotus position...repeat my mantra and become one with the universe...

Who are these people kidding? Mid-Life is much more complex than this study is revealing...at least at this point.