Women at Mid-Life Dreaming of Divorce While Happily Married

"She's Happily Married, Dreaming of Divorce" http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/26/o.divorce.dreams/, an article by Ellen Tien, a columnist at the Oprah Magazine was recently brought to my attention and asked to comment on it. Eagerly I clicked the link and began reading, wondering why it had been sent to me in particular for comment. As I read through the paragraghs, I soon realized why my friend had sent me this diatribe on a woman who claimed to be happily married, but secretly dreamed of being divorced...it was a perfect word picture of the many women that I write about, coach and speak to at events. Most importantly Ms Tein seemed to be planting the seed in her female readers minds that these feelings, dreams and desires were alright AND that their complaints and discontent were something that all wives have in common...so why not dream of divorce...in a very subtle way she was giving women permission to even act on their divorce dreams...she said it without even saying it. The resulting disgruntled and mostly negative comments that followed seemed to bear my overall reaction to the article out. I was unable to add my comments to the long list due to the fact that CNN had suspended commentary...so, I bring my comments here to our lovely group, just in case you read this article in the May issue of "O" magazine or caught it on the web.

Yes, this IS a thoroughly depressing view of marriage...yet a real...true statement of where our view of marriage is and what it has become. Not only is this a depressing view of marriage...it is also a horrible statement on the role of women in the United States and maybe even the world today. I am not talking about our roles as wives and mothers...I am talking about our view of who we are as women in today's world.

Women today are so caught up with being DIVAS and bitches...being bulldogs instead of being women of excellence, significance and grace.... embaracing elegance. We have taken the power that we gained through equality and morphed it into something bigger than we can truly handle. We convince ourselves that the grass is really greener on the other side, while forgetting that all who risk checking out the greener grass discover that the grass is green no matter what side of the fence they are on...no matter whose backyard they are in...Green IS green...it's all grass!

Articles like this one are extremely harmful to women, their families and their marriages. It gives permission to many women who are on the fence...trying to decide if they should remain in their own backyard or explore others. It gives a woman the sense or a feeling that they are not alone in their questioning...in their discontent...it fans a fire that naturally comes around at mid-life...one that every one of our mother's had ...even our grandmothers...but society at the time did NOT give them permission to explore. This article and other books that are being written for women in MLC are encouraging them to throw their morals and ethics aside, grant themselves permission to step out of their responsibilities and roles and be mavericks...focusing purely on themselves, their wants , needs and desires. It is shallow! It IS narcissistic! But then that is what our society has been doing ever since the "ME generation" came in to existence....it's just a continuation of the thought pattern. It didn't really work then...it doesn't work now.

As usual, women of the United States easily eat up what ever the media or Oprah feeds them...convinced that this is the gospel truth. The fact that this article appears in Oprah's magazine MUST mean that she agrees with the author. it must be okay...Right?! NO!!! Not even Oprah expects everyone to accept what she feeds them...she does expect women and men to be discerning in what information she is providing. Not even Oprah agrees with all the people who are on her guest coach on certain subjects.

This is what is important about this article...indeed this is a problem that many women today are struggling with...in fact the majority of women at middle age deal with these very same questions, discontent and inability to cope with their lives as they know it. The problem with this article IS...the author infers that it is okay to feel this way AND she even plants the seed that it is okay to even act upon these thoughts. This is NOT okay. The "everybody else is doing it "bandwagon is in full tilt here. Who says this at 40, 50, and 60 years old? Women and men who have not matured enough to evaluate their circumstances clearly...measure their emotions and the possibilities of their actions if indeed they decide to act upon leaving their marriage...that's who says this sort of thing. A teenager throws this response at their parent when they have been caught drinking, smoking or having sex. Are we to accept that it is okay as mothers and wives...women...that because we are presently discontent it is okay to act like our children? How is that being a good role model?

Ladies, we do not have to accept every message that the media or people of other viewpoints are throwing at us. Just because we ALL feel discontent, boredom, empty, frustrated and confused about our lot in life does NOT mean that we throw away our marriages and our family as we know it today. We have the power to change it...we have to realize that the answers are living in our own backyards...the power lies with in US....not our husbands...our children...our homes.

Everything this author has pointed out in her story as a point of contention in this marriage is in this women's control...she has just chosen not to do something about it...she has chosen to be a victim of her own circumstances. As she points the blame at her husband and children, she is preparing her justifications for any actions or behaviors she might take in the future, no matter how right or wrong.

As women and even as men...we need to look at our hand when we are pointing blame and giving ourselves permission...one finger points at another person...all the rest are pointing back at ourselves...who's to blame? Who ends up being the victims in the end? Think about it!

Final words: We end up sacrificing our life legacy by selfishly seeking temporary pleasures or successes and being a part of a women's movement that is still trying to figure who they are in the grand scheme of things...we end up throwing our husbands and children under the bus....we end up only hurting ourselves.

(C)Amy L Harden 2008 All rights reserved.

A Letter to Dorothy on The Yellow Brick Road

Letter was written on Facebook by Devon Capman

(To women of Menopause who feel they are over the rainbow in support of:
Author/Speaker/ Coach/Admitted Mid-life Crazy Amy L. Harden - Thank you Amy)

Dear Dorothy,
What a wonderful work you are doing there "over the rainbow". I hope the blue bird I acquired delivers this note properly in the right spirit, and your heart receives it in the light of those who love you at home.

While there is "no place like home", we are praying for your efforts there that you would save as many as you can, to help them get home too.
What a precious gift it is to reach out and help those who think they may need a brain, when all they actually need a little direction (and maybe some meds - lol) and a flow of encouraging words.

Having the heart to love the right things takes courage. It seems with all the elements involved that you are facing numerous adverse adventures and trials every moment you are there.

By all means "Do" pay attention to what is behind the curtain when the time comes and share with your travelers that they have most of what they need already, though it will be tested. That's where your character should shine and mature as you go through that valley of experience.

Be aware, of course, the wicked witch will use many a romantic “Munchkin” or mean and angry "Monkeys" to take advantage of your disorientation.

We, too, have learned to be so thankful, for everything we are hoping for in you, and miss you immensely. You are a very important part of us. Please remember this.

Don’t dance too much with the scare crow and forget your focus, but DO have some fun.
Don’t let the Tin man, in sharing his heartache, keep you from helping him, find his way. (Your purpose for being there)
Don’t let the Lion keep you from facing the witch and the trials and trouble she sends your way. You must defeat her with what you have, because it is your only hope of getting home.

Remember the witch is feels the pressure of the urgency of time as a heavy weight upon her so she will lie at every turn to keep you there. Your feet must stay on the proper path without straying. The flying monkeys are just there to scare you. Remember us back here praying for you and draw from that strength. This is why you need those slippers of His peace to lead you home. (let you feet be shod in the peace of the gospel... remember?)

Do hurry, we love you so. Rescue as many as you can, for there is no place like home. We feel empty and incomplete without you. Fight that good fight of faith.

Your loving family,
Uncle Henry, Kansas

PS The wizard apologizes for the mishap of leaving without you. He has helped us in understanding what trouble you are in. Looking for your safe arrival. Come home soon.
Also Hi from your Auntie Em, and Hunk, Zeke, Hickory, and Professor Marvel

Written by Devon Capman 8-4-2008
To women of Menopause who feel they are over the rainbow in support of:
Author/Speaker/ Coach/Admitted Mid-life Crazy Amy L. Harden

Postcard from The Yellow Brick Road

Dear Uncle Henry:

Never thought I would find myself in OZ again, but for some reason I have forgotten the lessons I learned a long time ago when I visited here when I was just a teen.

Now that I have become a mother,wife and career woman...I have become consumed by it. I no longer see the rainbows or the bluebirds...these things always made me happy. Hunk, Zeke, Hickory dismiss the way I am feeling with a simple, "It's just a phase or Come on, kid...just get over it!" This new Toto has become more of a problem than the old Toto was and Toto was the cause of my last trip to OZ, ya know. Maybe my problem is these dogs.

I don't know what this trip will entail, but I know that I will be looking up the Scarecrow, Tin man and Lion...maybe they can help me find my brain, heart and courage. Bumped into the Good Witch of North when I first arrived and she gave me the same pair shoes. Can't remember for the the life of me, why I needed those shoes...so, I am off to see the Wizard again...maybe he will be able to tell me how my life got to be such a mess or is it a mess?...I am so confused.

Got to go...those Flying Monkeys you mentioned in your letter are circling overhead, which means the Wicked Witch is nearby. Getting a bit "home"sick...but I just don't know what "home" is anymore.

Your Loving niece,

Dorothy

To everyone who is reading this:

Devon's writing here is absolutely wonderful...he has caught the concept of what I do, but before there is any misunderstanding...I want to clarify that I (Amy Harden) am not Dorothy...I once was a Dorothy, but I am no longer...I have been called by a higher power to lift women and men up and out of The Dorothy Syndrome. I am putting the finishing touches on a book dealing with this subject and coach women and men who are on the Yellow Brick Road who are dealing with Dorothy's in their lives. As I network across the internet at all the social networks for women, I don't believe I see many Dorothy's among the women blogging, connecting and creating business ; all of them are wearing their ruby slippers and clicking them on a daily basis. My mission is to help those women that they can't reach yet. Dorothy is not ready for positive, uplifting, motivated. These women can't even think straight, they are confused , frustrated, depressed: barely able to get out of the bed on a daily basis.

I try to prepare them for these empowered ladies...so they will receive their messages and help...not dismiss them as another "Rah!-Rah!" Mid-lifer. Please ladies don't take this as an insult...it really isn't...it is just the way it is...there are women out there that are ready to hear you and then there are others that hate you for being so positive about life,your journey and mission. They are envious and jealous sometimes...they want what you have...they just don't know how to get out of the bed, out of the monotony of their lives to get. It is a bare bones, baby step process...time is what they need and most when you tell them what they need to do...they don't believe you, let alone have the energy to do it....thus you have "The Dorothy Syndrome". So, I travel with these ladies and men, helping them avoid the Flying Monkeys, leading them through the woods and the Poppy Field...slaying the Wicked Witch, not depending on the Wiz for answers. When Dorothy realizes it is really all up to her...she is ready to listen to you and follow your direction. I promise!

NEW Women In MLC: The Dorothy Syndrome Forum

What the heck is the Dorothy Syndrome and what does it have to do with mid-life crisis?

Well, it has everything to do with MLC! The Dorothy Syndrome is a phrase that I coined and is the premise for my upcoming book titled "The Dorothy Syndrome: Mid-life on the Yellow Brick Road". While coaching at another web site forum, I started using the metaphors used in one of my favorite stories and movies..."The Wizard of OZ". I was astonished at how easily I could use the dialog from the movie or premise of the story to describe the transitions, emotions, the typical experiences that occur during an MLC, whether it be for the woman or the man. The forum members could easily understand the correlations and even began using the same analogies that I had started in my discussions.

As a preliminary promotion of my upcoming book I have created a forum for both women and men to come discuss, receive encouragement and guidance on MLC. I will be continuing my dialog using the Dorothy Syndrome metaphor/analogy. The forum for the women is primarily for women who are experiencing the crisis themselves, not necessarily for women who are dealing with their husbands who are in MLC, while the men's side is for husbands dealing with a wife in MLC. This forum is a safe haven for the women and learning ground for the men. It has been only recently that women in MLC has been acknowledge as a true experience that we go through. In fact the degree of MLC that women experience is STILL downplayed or brushed off as something that the woman will just get over or will end when they're finished going through menopause. Do not kid yourself...this is real...it can get very bad...it has many causes and triggers...it doesn't miraculously go away. Many families are being torn apart by this new phenomena....BUT...there is hope...in the knowledge and understanding of the what I call the MLC tornado, the process that each MLCer MUST go through to discover that they have always had the power to go "home".

Come join me at www.womeninmlc.lefora.com/forum/ and discover what you can do to avoid the pitfalls of having the Dorothy Syndrome or if you are living with a Dorothy...discover what you need to do to keep the Flying monkeys at bay. Even if you are not experiencing this phenomena...learn about the syndrome...keep your eye out for the signs...be amazed at how common it is today...send the link to a friend who may be in need of our counsel.

Believe me when I tell you...a person who is in MLC must travel the Yellow Brick Road to discover their brain, heart and courage...you can not tell them these things...they wouldn't believe you anyways.

Please join us!

Before the Tornado of MidLife Crisis Hits!

This is from the women's perspective only...what is going on in her brain and how her body reacts...it may be different for some and this occurs over time...not in a day:

When my children were young...two in diapers, one in pull-ups, one barely potty trained, one very clingy...my days were long and hard...one of my children or several of my children climbing on me, being carried, held, bottle fed...it seemed like all day long someone or something was touching me or wanted me to touch them. By the end of the day, I was exhausted...every tiny nerve under my skin was on hyper-drive...I could feel the electricity of it at times to the point of overload. Combine this with the emotions that you must feel and calibrate all day long...it was no wonder when my H came home and wanted a hug or God forbid wanted to intimate...his touch downright hurt or made the electric feeling underneath my skin streak through my body like electric shock. It was horrible. It was tiring...my H just didn't understand it. My sense of touch and being touched was way over stimulated....sexy this feeling did not make me. My only escape was sleep and even in sleep I could not be touched...forget sleeping like spoons, hugging, wrapped around one another...if my H touched me by accident while sleeping, I would bolt awake like I had hit by lightening.

As the years went by, this feeling changed...it turned in to numbness...my brain shut down when I was touched...in an effort to protect myself from the intense reactions...I started to not have any reaction to anything, physically or mentally...I flat lined...it was like my nervous system was broken from over use. I couldn't control it...my body was taking over just like when I was pregnant...you just have to go with it, you think. No matter how I tried I couldn't react...the fog...the numbness continued to set in...it was just like the main switch on my electrical board had switched in to the permanent "off" position...I just couldn't jump start myself and if I tried I immediately went in to overload again and I would crash in to numbness again. No matter how you look at it your whole body and emotions are out of whack...there is no escaping it and soon you grow tired of being tired and being in the "off" position...you feel like you are dieing a slow death from the inside out. You can't fight it anymore...you give in....OR maybe just maybe, if you could get away from what you believe is causing it. Yes, "flying" is a good answer...when you leave the house alone...the numbness slightly subsides...if you go to a room alone...the fog slightly lifts...when you are with others that don't expect anything from you or know nothing about you...you can be the person you dream of being without the fog, the numbness...most of all you can "breath". That is really all you want at this point...is to "breath"....to stand still for a very long time, doing nothing and just breathing. In doing this you can convince yourself that you are still alive... you are not lost...you are in here in each moment...not moving forward or backward...you just ARE!

BUT...this is not reality...life bombards you...as hard as you try to stand and just "be"...you feel attacked from all sides...draining the itty-bitty drops of strength or energy you regained while you had removed yourself from what you believe is sucking you drier than a desert. Leaving for short periods of time or escaping to your bedroom with door closed doesn't cut it anymore...you remove yourself completely! You make the decision to leave or you start evaluating who or what is the primary thing or person that causing you to feel like you do. Even though the kids do add to your present state...life is much easier when your H is not present...with his presence gone, maybe you could regain your life and he can take care of himself...he's an adult.

All you want is the numbness to go away...the fog to lift...you grow desperate...you have to do something or die!

Stay tuned...more to come...

If you are experiencing or anything you have read sounds familiar to you and you have a sneaking suspicion that you may be in Mid Life Crisis (MLC), please feel free to contact me here at my blog. I would be more than happy to direct you to the best places to receive encouragement or even take you on as a coaching client.

OMG...Botox Will Suck Out Your Brain Cells Too!

Botox rat study shows toxins migrate to the brain

By Simon Pitman

"04/04/2008- A new scientific study on rats suggests that the anti-wrinkle treatment Botox may be able to move from the skin into the brain, degrading proteins and acting on nerves."

Botox...no, thank you...I am not putting poison in to my face to get rid of my wrinkles. Not only does Priscilla Presley look bad...look at Joan Rivers...Cher looks like she is wearing a mask now too! What's up with all those puffy, "I'm having an allergic reaction" lips, anyways?

Forget about the way it makes you look...now you're telling me that it is going to effect my brain...Good heavens...my children have already sucked half my brain cells out of my head...now if I try Botox...the remaining cells will be damaged too. If I'm going to be sitting here hunched over and drooling with no brain cells left...
NAH!I don't think so...by God...I better be looking great!...but what's the point of looking great and not being able to have facial expressions or enough brain matter to even coax a smile?

Luckily, I have been blessed so far with oily skin...too much oil really...but long ago I was told to "Embrace the oil, my dear...it is a blessing, not a curse."

My anti-aging mantra: "Ohm! Embrace the oil, Amy, Embrace the oil."

Then, exfoliate, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize...eat well (low-carb diet optimal), facial and neck exercises, along with full body exercise, increased water intake, limited drinking of alcohol and caffeine, limited sun exposure and making sure I get anti-oxidant supplements through vitamins and drinking 2 oz. minimum of MonaVie daily. A good facial every two months or so by a professional also doesn't hurt. Detox is probably the best thing you can do for your skin....eat L Active cheese and yogurt...keep your lower tract clean and moving. Try The Perricone Prescription...it does work. His products are very expensive, but worth a try. Your choice of make-up and skin regimen is primary...don't cut corners with cheap make-up and products...but at the same time you don't have to break the bank to get what you need. I have been using the "Boots - Botanical" line from Target with great results. Natural and minimal will go a long way.

Oh, I forgot…one very important thing to do…Laugh…laugh a lot! A rich, warm, hearty laugh and smile will do the trick every time…it’s part of the beauty plan that works from the inside out.

Sounds like a lot of work….but I can still smile, my forehead still moves and my eyes don’t have that continual surprised look about them.

Holistic and natural is the way to go…and then you just have to embrace the wrinkles when they have won…in the end you have probably earned every single one of them.

*Please see my Top Picks for Today for links to the books and products I

recommend.

**If you would like more information on MonaVie, please go to the following link:

http://www.mymonavie.com/awomanofelegance

MidLife Crazies

What Does Red Lights, Sexy Clothing and Disrespectful Kids have in Common?

Recently, I asked a group of women what three things drive them absolutely crazy?
A member wrote::

“Women who are in their 40s who dress like they are 18. You can dress stylish without showing all. I bowl with one lady who is always cold. I told my husband if she would not wear jeans with holes as big as she was, and “trying” to dress so sexy, she would not be cold in the bowling alley.

Kids who are rude, thinking they are the only person on the planet. Do they act this way in front of their parents? They have no respect for older people.

People who have to be the first person at the red light. I worked with a lady many years ago and she admitted that during PMS days, she would KILL to be first at the red light. Haha! If you want to drive crazy, become a race car driver. "

I agree with her about the lady’s who dip into their teenage daughter's closet to pull together their wardrobe. Sexy doesn’t have to mean scantily clad...in fact, I wrote an article a few years ago where I interviewed several men where the majority told me that this was indeed true. Men preferred a woman who was dressed in clothing that left a bit of mystery, feminine, not over done...classy. But why do these women chose to let God and everyone see what they have been blessed with?

Women who dress too young for their age are possibly displaying one of the many signs or clues that she is going through a Mid-life Crisis...especially if her dress prior to her turning 40 or the MLC was more covered up, classy or suitable. If she has always dressed like this...then you can just write it off to ignorance, bad taste or her need to be the center of male attention for all the wrong reasons...feel sorry for this gal...she is probably dealing with a lot more deep down underneath than what little she is wearing AND there is probably a lot more holes she needs to fill other than the ones that in her jeans.

As for kids who are rude and disrespectful... the fact is that as parents we are left with little to do to discipline our children nowadays...sitting in time out or "the naughty spot" just doesn't seem to cut it after a child turns 13 years old. By the time a child has reached this age think of all the many televisions shows and cartoons that they have watched with sassy mouthed, disrespectful children in them. Our young ones tend to mimic these children and we tend to perpetuate it by thinking it is cute...then we wonder why they talk to us like this when they get older....Well, we have taught them to talk to us this way and not nipped the disrespectful tones and quips in the bud long ago when they first started using it to get attention or get a laugh out us.

I also believe the fact that as a nation we no longer live in multi-generational homes and many families are broken due to divorce or they are scattered across the country. When families were made up of children, parents and grandparents all with in the same house or within the same vicinity of each other...children were taught by their elders to respect them. Also, we no longer allow others, whether it is our neighbors or friends, to insist that our children be respectful, let alone discipline them. Back when I was growing up, it was an unspoken rule in our neighborhood that any mother on the block had the right to discipline any child, if they were caught being disrespectful or doing bad things. Today, you run the risk of a huge confrontation which may even include a lawsuit or the police being called. (This did happen to one of my friends) Many of our children are not held accountable for their actions within the home and definitely, not outside of the home.

I have told my children that if they are out of line that anyone can call them on their misbehavior. Also, they had better give me something to stand-on if they want me to go to bat for them if they believe they have been unjustly accused. I will not lie or defend them if indeed they have been disrespectful or done wrong. I have been amazed by how many mothers AND fathers will defend their kid to the death, even when the kid is so openly wrong. This is a disservice to the child and to all the rest of us who have to deal with kid in the future.

As for being the first person at the red light…being number one has been the chant of our nation for many years now. It is in our blood…it’s the reason behind why we get out of bed each day. We are striving for bigger, better…the best. What makes anyone think that this attitude hasn’t finally sunk all the way down to the most inconsequential things in life…like being first at the red light? Anyways, why let it bother you? By all means, let the speed demon, overly competitive nut-job have the first position at the white line or do you not like the fact that person just got the number one position?

So, what is the common thread in these three things? Well, it is the fact that we no longer know how to deal with the changes in our more open and passive/aggressive society. We act out, give in and do anything to be number one…even in the smallest of circumstances….it can just about drive a person crazy.

CYBERHOTFLASH: American Idol Not Only Gives Back They Stick IT to Michael Johns

No Second Chances For Michael Johns

Not only was last night's American Idol Results show a shocker...I was highly disppointed with the way the American Idol people handled giving the news to Michael Johns...it was downright mean!

Last year they gave the lowest voted contestant a reprieve by letting them stay on for another week, combining the scores and then cutting two contestants...this is year...NOPE...Michael Johns was out!

Ryan Seacrest even lead this poor guy, the other contestants AND the audience to believe he would get the same chance as Chris Richardson and Jordin Sparks the year before...but this year the powers that be at AI were not going to be as forgiving or giving...Michael Johns was out!

I found myself screaming at the TV "NO WAY! NO WAY! HOW MEAN CAN YOU GET?!!"

This act alone made me want to go back and retrieve all the many downloads I purchased at iTunes and the donation I had made the night before at American Idol Gives Back...but the money I donated is going to the greater good and I will not forsake all the many children and families that need the money just because AI muckety- mucks made a poor decision in this year's follow-up results show.

This has put a very bad taste in my mouth about AI. I am thinking twice about watching this show for another season. There are contestants in the remaining group that should have left several shows ago...Michael Johns may have gotten the lowest votes, BUT in light of last year's Give Back follow-on show...Mr. John's was ripped off!

Makes me wonder, if last year there was an end to their means, when Jordin Sparks and Chris Richardson were kept on...I mean Jordin did end up winning the contest in the end...not that she didn't deserve it...BUT...it does make you wonder..doesn't it?

There is no two ways about this thing...Michael John's got screwed!

Message to Michael John"s: Take heart, my friend! This was probably a blessing in disguise...go the way of other contestants that were voted out to early...rise up from the ashes and show them what everyone in America already knows....YOU ARE A SUPER STAR!!!

POST SCRIPT: I believe in the end I am not as upset about Michael John's being eliminated...I mean this happened fair and square...he didn't get the votes from America that he needed to stay on....the thing I am having trouble with IS...how American Idol went about it this year. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief...just not cool!

Photos courtesy of the American Idol.com

Glamour Shots and the MidLife Crazies

Recently my Stumble Upon blog was reviewed by a young man of 32 years who must have issues with either his wife, his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or mother.

Out of no where...this guy not only slams my picture that I use for an avatar..tagging it as a "glamour shot" and searches through all my blog posts to find the one misspelling I had...to then tell me that I shouldn't criticize other people's copy, if I can't even spell correctly.

Okay...so first, I am hurt overall that I have received a red thumbs down in amongst all the other green thumbs up that I have received in the short time that I have been stumbling.

Second....Glamour Shot...who the heck does this guy think he is criticizing my picture...Glamour Shot ... indeed! Oh, wait...it is sort of a "glamour shot"....but heck...I had this picture taken back on my birthday to celebrate the fact that for a 50-year old wife and mother of five children...I still could rock with the best of them...if Christie Brinkley can do it...well, by gosh, so can I!

This gentleman...and I use this term loosely...sent me flying off into a mid-life crazies moment...
I mean...I still look pretty darn good for not having more than six hours of sleep a day in 20 odd years; my butt being perpetually flat from driving my kids here and yon; a small muffin top that the fitness instructor at the YMCA told me I'd never lose because of bearing five children, along with rapidly greying hair that my genius of a hairstylist has hidden with lovely blond highlights (I am really a brunette) and that my genes have blessed me with oily skin, which a Mary Kay lady long ago told me in a honey-sweet southern drawl: "Hon...your oily skin is a blessing not a curse...it's God's natural retinol...embrace the oil."

Yeah...right! Still...I am "embracing the oil"!

I have to admit this guy hit me in two of my sore spots; copy editing and where I am on this journey in my second adulthood.

I am a fanatic about copy editing and misspellings...I wear out my spell checker and my dictionary is dogeared. How could I have missed that "alot" is not spelled "allott"...oh, wait...my spellchecker told me that I had misspelled it. (Actually, the Blogger spell checker says that both of these words are spelled wrong.)

Lesson learned...don't trust your spell checker...look it up instead...Webster's isn't out of business yet!

But let's get back to the "Glamour Shots" issue...Why do woman feel the need or want to go and have their pictures taken like this...AND...why do you suppose that a person would not like seeing pictures in this style?

IMHO, I believe that women of all ages want to capture their elegance and beauty for one brief shining moment on film...especially if they spend most of their days running around with their hair barely combed; lucky to have their face washed and the scent of the day is eau de "Soft-n-Dri" and the uniform of the day is the newest line of women's sweats and athletic shoes from our boutique of choice...Targ`et.

Women always justify a "Glamour Shot" with..."I'm having my picture taken for my husband...it's our anniversary (his birthday, Father's day, Christmas, Valentine's Day)...ya know...he's always wanted pictures like this"...Wink, wink.

If you believe this statement, well...I own some land in Florida you might want to look at....

The main reason we get these pictures taken is to prove to ourselves that indeed we are beautiful...that our lives haven't sucked us totally dry...there is still hope...all is NOT lost AND if it is...then by God, at least we had our picture taken when we could still put the glamour in to the shot.

Let's admit it ladies...we have "Glamour Shots" taken for ourselves! WE want them...we want to look at them...we want to keep them for posterity's sake. They allow us to step out of the box. They are a reminder that we are still beautiful, alluring, sexy...we are not trapped in our wife, mommy, sister, daughter roles....we discover our power...we are women first!

We make an elegant statement!

We don't care what people think....which brings me back to our Glamour Shot critic....

You know what...I don't really care what he thinks about my picture...I didn't have it taken for him....I did have it taken for my hubby...but most of all for me. The time was right...I seized the day...and there I am in all my glory...a lot is being said in that one picture.


FYI: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary On-line: For the definition and usage of the term "alot" please go to the following link:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/alot

Photos courtesy of Kaiser Custom Images: http://www.kaisercustomimages.com/

CYBERHOTFLASH: ashes and snow

Check out this web site...

"ashes and snow" is by far the best internet experience I have come across in a very long time.

This is the internet at its very best!

You will be drawn in by the beauty of the photography, gentle tone of the spoken word...the serene melody that runs through the background like a calming stream of ideas, thoughts, emotions.

It IS a meditation through pictures, words and music.

Discover the beauty...the emotion...the serenity of ashes and snow.

CyberHotFlash: A Delicious Contest LIVE from Maine

The Maine Lobster Giveaway at the Fresh Maine Lobster web site is a treat that is hard to resist. Check out this new web site and enter to the win a prize worth $100 and receive a LobsterGram Gift Certificate. It is easy to do...just comment on the blog entry, share the link with friends...sit back and digg through the web site.

You will find everything you ever wanted to know about Fresh Maine Lobster: cooking tips, lobster history, recipes and the ultimate information for every lobster lover...the LobsterFest.

Even if you don't win the Lobster Giveaway...you have a discovered a direct source on learning about and ordering Fresh Maine Lobster.

Remember CyberHotFlashers...seafood of any kind is a wonderful source of Omega-3's...we can eat these tantalizing red delicacies without too much worry that it will make our "muffin tops" expand....just don't over due the butter. This is a wonderful treat for we can give ourselves every once and awhile...consider it as a celebration ...a feast we definitely deserve.

Now...go enter this giveaway, while I start boiling the water and melting the butter. Don't forget your lobster bib!

http://www.freshmainelobster.com/the-maine-lobster-giveaway/