My father passed away in 1994 after a terrible bout with liver cancer. Though I knew he would not make it, I also knew where he was going...into the Saviors arms that he loved so much. I grieved my father's lack of presence here on earth for almost ten years.
I was devastated and prayed.
I was angry at God and prayed.
God spoke to me and told me that HE had to take him because it was time for me to learn to lean on Him completely...and I prayed.
Then one night in the tenth year when I prayed out loud to get to see my father for just a few minutes, so I could hug him, see his smile and smell his presence again...God gave me a dream.
I was devastated and prayed.
I was angry at God and prayed.
God spoke to me and told me that HE had to take him because it was time for me to learn to lean on Him completely...and I prayed.
Then one night in the tenth year when I prayed out loud to get to see my father for just a few minutes, so I could hug him, see his smile and smell his presence again...God gave me a dream.
In that dream, I was wandering and searching for something in a desolate area unknown to me, until I came upon a house on a lake. The part of the house that faced the lake had a wall of windows and beyond those windows, tall pine trees and a beautiful lake that was shimmering like diamonds from the sunshine that was pouring down. I had to go outside on the balcony to see for myself.
As I stepped on to the balcony deck I saw people to my left standing by and leaning on the rail, gazing off longingly at the beautiful site off in the distance. Then I turned to the right and there...sitting in a pool of the brightest light was a person who was resting in a white Adirondack chair with his feet up, his head leaning back and his hands resting on his belly. The person slowly began to smile. I knew that smile...it was my Dad!!! I almost yelled out; "DAD!! DAD!! It's me Amy!." I immediately stopped myself, covering my mouth to ensure no sound would leak out that would disturb him.
As I stood there looking at my father resting in the light, I realized the look and smile was one of pure peace, contentment...joy! How could I be so selfish after so many years to ask my father to come back to hug me for a split second when he indeed was in the presence of the one he so loved? I couldn't...I loved that man that much and I thanked God for giving me such a great father.
I thanked God for being there throughout my grieving. I thanked God for giving me this gift...a peek into heaven...for answering my prayers.
I drank in the sight...memorizing every aspect of it, knowing I would not see him again this way until I joined him there someday on that Lake House porch sitting in white Adirondack chairs basking in the Sonlight together!
I woke up and never wished my dad back again...I celebrate him because I know where he is...he is with the father AND he is with me. He visits with cardinal visits all the time.
God is wonderful that way!
Look for signs from your mother and from God. They will comfort you in this early time of grieving. Pray and if you can't sit and pray because your mind wanders from the sadness ...write your prayers. It is amazing how God will take the pen out of your hand and comfort your heart with His love and peace.
Please know people are praying for you during this grieving time.
Remember there is no time limit on grieving the one's we love.
Sending hugs and love across the miles!
