Whether you like it or not...this is the beginning of the rest of your life and it will be ushered in on a heat wave...it's too bad it couldn't happen on the beaches of Maui or the Bahamas...reality decided to have it happen across the landscape of your face, neck and body...OH, JOY!!! Isn't middle-age an adventure?!!!
Prepare yourself to coordinate your wardrobe with your coloring from now on...RED is going to be your enemy for the near term! Make sure you don't wear all red, because when you have a hot flash your clothes and skin will blend together...you'll look like a red hot chili pepper and I don't mean you will look like a member of the band with the same name...Oh…you'll look hot, but not sexy...hot...you'll be burning red hot all over...and there will be nothing chilly about you...your new nickname will be Pepper.
Don't worry though you'll learn how to do the newest mid-life dance craze...The Hot Flash...it is a striptease of sorts...there is nothing sexy about it...when you are finished you are dripping with sweat, standing naked in front of a fan and God help the man that wants to touch you after your performance! Your response to this will be: "You're kidding me...Right?!"
Your newest friend, who is replacing your old "friend" is full of as many surprises...but this time you will discover places that you never knew could sweat...new places that have aches and pains...but here is the bonus...you won't remember why...it's kind of like when you gave birth...all the pain of labor...you cursed your husband for putting through it…but afterward you don't remember any of it...so stupid you...you, do it again...then, you remember...you curse your husband...then forget again. Oh...yeah...you start to ramble… a lot because you can't remember your point. Yes, it affects your brain...the few brain cells you have left.
And the grand prize for entering into the Hot Flash Era is (drum roll, please!)
You will never have to worry about wearing white pants ever again!
Welcome...to Mid-Life...embrace the "hot"...and whatever you do... don't sweat the small stuff...it will be over in a flash!
Amy L. Harden Copyright 2008
6 comments:
Yikes...this is what I have to look forward to! I'm not there yet, thankfully! Great description and funny.
And, we love your website. The more midlife women on the web, the better, and there's plenty of room!!
The Midlife Gals
KK and SalGal
http://www.themidlifegals.com
Wow, clearly no HRT here! I always felt that if we have to have hot flashes we ought to be able to call them up on demand. Standing at the bus stop on a cold day - have a hot flash!
Ahhh...I got thrown right into the flame by having a complete hysterectomy. Hot flashes are no fun but I've found the answer. I got implants. NO, not those kind of implants....hormone pellet implants. What a godsend. I've written about them on my site and even showed a picture of my butt while having them implanted. Stop by and see for yourself. :)
I'm not female, but i keep reading your Blog for several weeks now. Your advices are also good for men. Keep writing!
As a woman in the beginning phases, this made me laugh out loud.
And I so needed a good laugh.
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