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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

MidLife Crazies

What Does Red Lights, Sexy Clothing and Disrespectful Kids have in Common?

Recently, I asked a group of women what three things drive them absolutely crazy?
A member wrote::

“Women who are in their 40s who dress like they are 18. You can dress stylish without showing all. I bowl with one lady who is always cold. I told my husband if she would not wear jeans with holes as big as she was, and “trying” to dress so sexy, she would not be cold in the bowling alley.

Kids who are rude, thinking they are the only person on the planet. Do they act this way in front of their parents? They have no respect for older people.

People who have to be the first person at the red light. I worked with a lady many years ago and she admitted that during PMS days, she would KILL to be first at the red light. Haha! If you want to drive crazy, become a race car driver. "

I agree with her about the lady’s who dip into their teenage daughter's closet to pull together their wardrobe. Sexy doesn’t have to mean scantily clad...in fact, I wrote an article a few years ago where I interviewed several men where the majority told me that this was indeed true. Men preferred a woman who was dressed in clothing that left a bit of mystery, feminine, not over done...classy. But why do these women chose to let God and everyone see what they have been blessed with?

Women who dress too young for their age are possibly displaying one of the many signs or clues that she is going through a Mid-life Crisis...especially if her dress prior to her turning 40 or the MLC was more covered up, classy or suitable. If she has always dressed like this...then you can just write it off to ignorance, bad taste or her need to be the center of male attention for all the wrong reasons...feel sorry for this gal...she is probably dealing with a lot more deep down underneath than what little she is wearing AND there is probably a lot more holes she needs to fill other than the ones that in her jeans.

As for kids who are rude and disrespectful... the fact is that as parents we are left with little to do to discipline our children nowadays...sitting in time out or "the naughty spot" just doesn't seem to cut it after a child turns 13 years old. By the time a child has reached this age think of all the many televisions shows and cartoons that they have watched with sassy mouthed, disrespectful children in them. Our young ones tend to mimic these children and we tend to perpetuate it by thinking it is cute...then we wonder why they talk to us like this when they get older....Well, we have taught them to talk to us this way and not nipped the disrespectful tones and quips in the bud long ago when they first started using it to get attention or get a laugh out us.

I also believe the fact that as a nation we no longer live in multi-generational homes and many families are broken due to divorce or they are scattered across the country. When families were made up of children, parents and grandparents all with in the same house or within the same vicinity of each other...children were taught by their elders to respect them. Also, we no longer allow others, whether it is our neighbors or friends, to insist that our children be respectful, let alone discipline them. Back when I was growing up, it was an unspoken rule in our neighborhood that any mother on the block had the right to discipline any child, if they were caught being disrespectful or doing bad things. Today, you run the risk of a huge confrontation which may even include a lawsuit or the police being called. (This did happen to one of my friends) Many of our children are not held accountable for their actions within the home and definitely, not outside of the home.

I have told my children that if they are out of line that anyone can call them on their misbehavior. Also, they had better give me something to stand-on if they want me to go to bat for them if they believe they have been unjustly accused. I will not lie or defend them if indeed they have been disrespectful or done wrong. I have been amazed by how many mothers AND fathers will defend their kid to the death, even when the kid is so openly wrong. This is a disservice to the child and to all the rest of us who have to deal with kid in the future.

As for being the first person at the red light…being number one has been the chant of our nation for many years now. It is in our blood…it’s the reason behind why we get out of bed each day. We are striving for bigger, better…the best. What makes anyone think that this attitude hasn’t finally sunk all the way down to the most inconsequential things in life…like being first at the red light? Anyways, why let it bother you? By all means, let the speed demon, overly competitive nut-job have the first position at the white line or do you not like the fact that person just got the number one position?

So, what is the common thread in these three things? Well, it is the fact that we no longer know how to deal with the changes in our more open and passive/aggressive society. We act out, give in and do anything to be number one…even in the smallest of circumstances….it can just about drive a person crazy.

Friday, April 11, 2008

CYBERHOTFLASH: American Idol Not Only Gives Back They Stick IT to Michael Johns

No Second Chances For Michael Johns

Not only was last night's American Idol Results show a shocker...I was highly disppointed with the way the American Idol people handled giving the news to Michael Johns...it was downright mean!

Last year they gave the lowest voted contestant a reprieve by letting them stay on for another week, combining the scores and then cutting two contestants...this is year...NOPE...Michael Johns was out!

Ryan Seacrest even lead this poor guy, the other contestants AND the audience to believe he would get the same chance as Chris Richardson and Jordin Sparks the year before...but this year the powers that be at AI were not going to be as forgiving or giving...Michael Johns was out!

I found myself screaming at the TV "NO WAY! NO WAY! HOW MEAN CAN YOU GET?!!"

This act alone made me want to go back and retrieve all the many downloads I purchased at iTunes and the donation I had made the night before at American Idol Gives Back...but the money I donated is going to the greater good and I will not forsake all the many children and families that need the money just because AI muckety- mucks made a poor decision in this year's follow-up results show.

This has put a very bad taste in my mouth about AI. I am thinking twice about watching this show for another season. There are contestants in the remaining group that should have left several shows ago...Michael Johns may have gotten the lowest votes, BUT in light of last year's Give Back follow-on show...Mr. John's was ripped off!

Makes me wonder, if last year there was an end to their means, when Jordin Sparks and Chris Richardson were kept on...I mean Jordin did end up winning the contest in the end...not that she didn't deserve it...BUT...it does make you wonder..doesn't it?
There is no two ways about this thing...Michael John's got screwed!
Message to Michael John"s: Take heart, my friend! This was probably a blessing in disguise...go the way of other contestants that were voted out to early...rise up from the ashes and show them what everyone in America already knows....YOU ARE A SUPER STAR!!!
POST SCRIPT: I believe in the end I am not as upset about Michael John's being eliminated...I mean this happened fair and square...he didn't get the votes from America that he needed to stay on....the thing I am having trouble with IS...how American Idol went about it this year. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief...just not cool!


Photos courtesy of the American Idol.com

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Glamour Shots and the MidLife Crazies

Recently my Stumble Upon blog was reviewed by a young man of 32 years who must have issues with either his wife, his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or mother.


Out of no where...this guy not only slams my picture that I use for an avatar..tagging it as a "glamour shot" and searches through all my blog posts to find the one misspelling I had...to then tell me that I shouldn't criticize other people's copy, if I can't even spell correctly.

Okay...so first, I am hurt overall that I have received a red thumbs down in amongst all the other green thumbs up that I have received in the short time that I have been stumbling.


Second....Glamour Shot...who the heck does this guy think he is criticizing my picture...Glamour Shot ... indeed! Oh, wait...it is sort of a "glamour shot"....but heck...I had this picture taken back on my birthday to celebrate the fact that for a 50-year old wife and mother of five children...I still could rock with the best of them...if Christie Brinkley can do it...well, by gosh, so can I!


This gentleman...and I use this term loosely...sent me flying off into a mid-life crazies moment...
I mean...I still look pretty darn good for not having more than six hours of sleep a day in 20 odd years; my butt being perpetually flat from driving my kids here and yon; a small muffin top that the fitness instructor at the YMCA told me I'd never lose because of bearing five children, along with rapidly greying hair that my genius of a hairstylist has hidden with lovely blond highlights (I am really a brunette) and that my genes have blessed me with oily skin, which a Mary Kay lady long ago told me in a honey-sweet southern drawl: "Hon...your oily skin is a blessing not a curse...it's God's natural retinol...embrace the oil."


Yeah...right! Still...I am "embracing the oil"!

I have to admit this guy hit me in two of my sore spots; copy editing and where I am on this journey in my second adulthood.

I am a fanatic about copy editing and misspellings...I wear out my spell checker and my dictionary is dogeared. How could I have missed that "alot" is not spelled "allott"...oh, wait...my spellchecker told me that I had misspelled it. (Actually, the Blogger spell checker says that both of these words are spelled wrong.)

Lesson learned...don't trust your spell checker...look it up instead...Webster's isn't out of business yet!

But let's get back to the "Glamour Shots" issue...Why do woman feel the need or want to go and have their pictures taken like this...AND...why do you suppose that a person would not like seeing pictures in this style?

IMHO, I believe that women of all ages want to capture their elegance and beauty for one brief shining moment on film...especially if they spend most of their days running around with their hair barely combed; lucky to have their face washed and the scent of the day is eau de "Soft-n-Dri" and the uniform of the day is the newest line of women's sweats and athletic shoes from our boutique of choice...Targ`et.

Women always justify a "Glamour Shot" with..."I'm having my picture taken for my husband...it's our anniversary (his birthday, Father's day, Christmas, Valentine's Day)...ya know...he's always wanted pictures like this"...Wink, wink.

If you believe this statement, well...I own some land in Florida you might want to look at....

The main reason we get these pictures taken is to prove to ourselves that indeed we are beautiful...that our lives haven't sucked us totally dry...there is still hope...all is NOT lost AND if it is...then by God, at least we had our picture taken when we could still put the glamour in to the shot.

Let's admit it ladies...we have "Glamour Shots" taken for ourselves! WE want them...we want to look at them...we want to keep them for posterity's sake. They allow us to step out of the box. They are a reminder that we are still beautiful, alluring, sexy...we are not trapped in our wife, mommy, sister, daughter roles....we discover our power...we are women first!

We make an elegant statement!

We don't care what people think....which brings me back to our Glamour Shot critic....

You know what...I don't really care what he thinks about my picture...I didn't have it taken for him....I did have it taken for my hubby...but most of all for me. The time was right...I seized the day...and there I am in all my glory...a lot is being said in that one picture.


FYI: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary On-line: For the definition and usage of the term "alot" please go to the following link:


http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/alot

Photos courtesy of Kaiser Custom Images: http://www.kaisercustomimages.com/

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

CYBERHOTFLASH: ashes and snow

Check out this web site...

"ashes and snow" is by far the best internet experience I have come across in a very long time.

This is the internet at its very best!

You will be drawn in by the beauty of the photography, gentle tone of the spoken word...the serene melody that runs through the background like a calming stream of ideas, thoughts, emotions.

It IS a meditation through pictures, words and music.

Discover the beauty...the emotion...the serenity of ashes and snow.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

CyberHotFlash: A Delicious Contest LIVE from Maine

The Maine Lobster Giveaway at the Fresh Maine Lobster web site is a treat that is hard to resist. Check out this new web site and enter to the win a prize worth $100 and receive a LobsterGram Gift Certificate. It is easy to do...just comment on the blog entry, share the link with friends...sit back and digg through the web site.

You will find everything you ever wanted to know about Fresh Maine Lobster: cooking tips, lobster history, recipes and the ultimate information for every lobster lover...the LobsterFest.

Even if you don't win the Lobster Giveaway...you have a discovered a direct source on learning about and ordering Fresh Maine Lobster.

Remember CyberHotFlashers...seafood of any kind is a wonderful source of Omega-3's...we can eat these tantalizing red delicacies without too much worry that it will make our "muffin tops" expand....just don't over due the butter. This is a wonderful treat for we can give ourselves every once and awhile...consider it as a celebration ...a feast we definitely deserve.

Now...go enter this giveaway, while I start boiling the water and melting the butter. Don't forget your lobster bib!

http://www.freshmainelobster.com/the-maine-lobster-giveaway/

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Am I Becoming Too Cynical or Bitter?

See the woman to the right....this is the woman that I fear I am becoming...OMG...please don't let this be!!



Since turning 50 years old, I have become more opinionated, less patient, frustrated with the world-at-large....everything seems to rub me the wrong way or will get a rise out of me...and don't forget to add in the new experience of having hot flashes at the most inconvenient of times. Coming of age, yet again, has been just as trying for me as embarking on my teenage years back in the 70's. I struggled then, as I struggle now with all the many changes in my body, in my mind and in the world that revolves around me!



Oprah wants me to find my purpose, while "giving BIG"; The Secret wants me to have a vision and reach for the stars; along with all the many second adulthood books for women out there who want me to jump out of airplanes, climb Mount Everest or give up my career and pursue the one dream I have always held near and dear to my heart....this usually involves wine tasting in France or Napa or renovating an old Victorian home as a Bed and Breakfast. I am supposed to do this while doing Pilate's or yoga fives days out of the week, watching my carbs and eating Omega-3/Antioxidant filled meals, plying my face and body with over priced natural creams and exlirs...ensuring I get eight hours of sleep...all in the pursuit of making sure that my eyes won't puff, my rear end won't drag and my muffin top (a residual from bearing my five children) will not hang over the top of the low-rise jeans that I am forced to purchase because no one carries a jean that covers a muffin top any more that doesn't look like pants that my 80 year old mother would wear.(WHEW!)!



Don't even get me started on plastic surgery, Botox and boob-jobs! My boobs are just fine, thank you very much!!



Do most people really have the extra pocket change to invest in all of this junk? Even though I do have extra money, these things are not what I want my money going toward just because the new way of keeping up with the Jone's is not only having the $800,000 and up custom built home, but being custom built ourselves...this is what will get us through the second half of our lives...Yes, indeed. It is all so temporary...all so material....superficial.!



Somehow I believe we are missing something here. In our effort to find our purpose and discover "the secret", we have raised the bar on ourselves yet again. We no longer view life experience and growth, knowledge and understanding as a priceless commodity...age and wisdom are dismissed. We will risk anything and everything to have what Mr and Mrs. Jones2008 has gotten for themselves. (Here's a Secret: Mr. and Mrs. Jones is in just as much debt, having the same trouble with their kids, is just as unhappy, if not more than most folks in the neighborhood...don't let Mr. Jones's sport car in the drive or Mrs. Jone's botox filled forehead & boob job fool ya!)!



We wrap our lives around celebrity, wanting to look, act and live like people we are not. Women have lost their elegance trying to look like they've walked out of the pages of a magazine, while men fear that being of noble character will some how offend the many women AND men in their lives...in the end men have been put in the position of being doormats.!



Simplicity is no longer simple...there is even a proper media dictated method of going about this also. Even in today's society trying to keep your life easy going, calm, uncomplicated...simple is work.
!


Now I ask you my friends...if all this be true...is there any wonder on most days that I worry that I will one day end up looking like the lady above? Maybe a good airplane jump or a trek up a mountain would do me some good....maybe a pinch of Botox in the corners of my mouth to force a smile.............NAH!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

The ABC's of Empowered Living

Check out this list or ABC's of Positive Approaches to Living an Empowered Life...it is just one of the many things I have "Stumbled upon"..... Og Mandino Quotes

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Making or Breaking the Grade

Today's Cyber Hot Flash: Are our children being prepared to compete on an international level?

According to a story on Good Morning America highlighting an upcoming film documentary on the education system in the United States....it is a resounding NO!

In the story they compared the educational systems of China and India to ours...US schools just aren't competitve enough. Students in China and India will not move forward in to Junior and Senior High School unless they succesfully test or meet the high standards of these advanced schools...thus leaving them without a complete education and forever restricting them to a certain part of their societies and cultures.

This is not only true in China and India...but I learned this first hand when I was stationed in Japan back in the 1980's. Getting into Senior High School in the Japanese society is not a given...you MUST test in with high scores or you are left behind, with no hope of ever going on to college....your life is determined at the young age of 15-16 years old. Many Japanese will enter in to the military...it is here that they will learn a trade...AND...college is still not a future option.

I am unsure if this still remains true in Japan...but I believe that probably things have not changed that much in 20 years....change comes much more slowly there. If anything I am sure the standard has probaly been raised much higher than when I was living in this awesome country. The competition was extremely high even then.

Should we be concerned about our students ability to compete on an international scale?....You bet ya! Our educational standard affords the opportunity for all children to go to high school even if they are bearly making the grade...in fact, they are required by law in most states to attend school until they are 18 years old. Some even fail and fail and fail until they reach the cut-off age...then leave or even choose to drop out OR they choose to just get by knowing that some college will probably take them on. This is not so in Japan, China or India...college students are their stellar students...they have earned there place through intense study, high scoring tests and diligence. They have proven themselves over and over again...the the tests and standards weeds the other students out.

Now, I am not saying we don't have these types of super achieving students here in the US....but I do believe that our educational standards are not as high as many of the emerging international cultures/societies. Our educational systems are not necessarily in the business of weeding out the good students from the bad....they want everyone to be given an education no matter what their ability levels.

One important fact that must be brought out here is that these countries school year is much longer than ours. Japanese students go to school year round with only August off...BUT...this time is not necessarily for going to the beach or hanging out with friends...these kids are required to do research papers or projects in all of their classes during this August break....they are due on the day that they return. I'm not talking about a 'What I did during my summer vacation "essay....I am talking about full fledged research papers with in-depth projects in about six subjects!

I wonder what our kids would do if they had to do this type of thing over summer break...Hmmmm?....Would be interesting to find out...wouldn't it?

In any case....this GMA story was very interesting. Please check it out at the following link...come back and comment.

In my humble opinion...this is not new....we are more than 20-years behind the curve on this one!

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4316090&affil=wrtv


Monday, February 18, 2008

The View: Too Much Talk...About Talking to Your Kids

Today's President's Day topic on The View was all about a new book Elisabeth found...in fact she has read it to the point of being "dog-earred". I have tried to find the title and author at the web site...but much to my dismay was unable to get this information for this blog post. (I will further research it and get back later) Needless to say, the discussion was on disciplining children in today's modern society. Let's talk to them and then have them perform acts of random kindness to make up for their offenses...how politically correct is that?!!
Elisabeth, who I normally tend to agree with on most days of the week, was going on and on about how this author doesn't believe that children should be made to apologize for inappropriate acts towards others. Instead, a mother or adult should encourage the offending child to commit an act of kindness toward the offended. For example: child says something nasty to another child and the other child's feelings are hurt...an adult observing this should NOT make the child who made the offending comment apologize for what was said (children don't understand this concept), they should instead go give the offended child a ball or toy that would make that child happy. SAY WHAT? What does this teach either child?
Mother/Adult: "Now, Johnnie that wasn't nice...go give Sally
this toy...it will make her happy!"
Child: "Why would I want to give Sally this toy...she
just pushed me down behind the slide and then stuck her tongue out at me...yeah
right , Ma...you go give Sally a toy."
Break away to the long shot of the whole View cast....Whoopi is sitting there in stunned amazement with the biggest "Say what?!" expression on her face....along with every other mother who was raised in her generation. Whoopi finally speaks up after letting Sherri, Elisabeth and the clueless, Joy have gone on and on about not making a child apologize for an offensive act . Whoopi states that she never allowed her daughter to act in this way...she nipped it in the bud immediately and not necessarily by talking to her child. She would perform the same mean act upon the child, thus demonstrating or allowing the child to feel what the other child had felt...followed by a firm reprimand telling the kid that the behavior was unacceptable. Whoopi even tells a story about how her mother would have handled a situation: if a kid pulled the tail on a cat or dog...her mother would have come up and pulled her hair to let her see how it felt. Joy immediately comments how this indeed would probably teach empathy...yeah! Joy...you actually got something right.
But in the end ALL of The View cast missed the point....Whoopi was the closest to the right anwser....
We as a society do not set boundaries and dealbreakers for our kids. We have proven for years, since the infamous theories of Dr. Spock of Baby & Childcare fame, that talking at children without reprimand or consequences has failed miserably in the raising of our children. If our children do not have boundaries laid down early on...insisting that they apologize for their mean acts and words...these children will not learn how to measure their words and tame their tongues...even their actions towards others. They will blurt out whatever they feel and follow it up with a kindness to buy the offended persons forgiveness...or even physically harm someone thinking that all will be well when they do their community service act toward that person or society.
Elisabeth throw that book away...you will be sorry that you followed this advice.....set boundaries and dealbreakers with your kids....make them apologize for their words and actions, even if they don't understand now...they will learn after awhile because you have pointed out their wrong and made them atone for it by apologizing. Soon you will find that your children will measure their words...learn self-control in their acts...learn to walk away from another who is hurting them with out confrontation, instead of performing senseless acts of kindness for someone who is too young to get it anyways or may be just as guilty of being mean as your child.





Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Small Pearls of Wisdom: Positive Attraction/Intention

I have been trying to work out my brand, writing a book, writing a column at Fabulously40, encouraging men and women at Path Partners, trying to get my own web site created and running.

In much of this effort of trying to fulfill my goals, reaching and hoping for the vision I had placed on my Vision Board over a year ago...I have slowly come to realize that none of this happens as quickly as one might think that it will...this is yet another 'secret' to the "The Secret".
On a daily basis I still struggle with 'reclaiming my womanhood"...my family and children eat up my time...I am constantly putting out fires. paying bills, contacting the workman that didn't quite do his job to the best of his ability, not seeing the nuance in the school's rules and regulations on attendance and tardiness...realizing that after all this time I should have been making carbon-copies of the notes I write to my kid's school. I find it hard on some days to utilize the power of positive attraction...when being bombarded by the negative forces of daily life.
And then, I realize this thing called life is really truly work .
I may struggle at it every day...it may be weighing me down at times...but in the end it MUST be done.
A lovely lady that I know through Facebook sent me this today:
"You must avoid breaking when things don't go your way.You'll always be secure to the degree that you accept change.True security comes from being able to bend your insecurities.Recognize and accept that change will inevitably take place.You'll become secure, not by standing still, but by growing,moving, and staying energized.Be secure in the knowledge that you can deal with anythingthat happens to you.Have the courage to bet on your ideas.Take some calculated risks and act on your dreams.There is no permanent security on this earth, there is only opportunity." JoAnn Donahue
I think in this moment of being burned out by the fires of my daily life, I will flood my thoughts with the wisdom of the hope that is held within these words from this extremely positive ray of sunshine.
Thank you, JoAnn.
I hope that maybe someone out in cyber-space receives this cyber hot flash and it moves them through yet another day...filling it with positive attraction and blessings.

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