OMG...Oprah is in Mid-Life Crisis!

OMG…Is Oprah having a Mid-life Crisis?
  
Yesterday on the first show of a much publicized series called the “Best Life Week”, Oprah admitted that she had not been taking care of her self and again regained 40 lbs. of weight that she so masterfully and publicly lost in the past. In front of God and millions of the shows fans, she admitted that she had forgotten to take care of herself first! During the show she demonstrated how this happened.

With her assistant by her side, she showed her daily calendar, which was packed to the gills with meetings and events that did not include any personal time for the popular talk show host and entrepreneur. It was evident just by looking at the calendar; Oprah had become a work alcoholic! Time to change her calendar and take time for herself, which she did, yet still attacking the change with the fervor that is Oprah!  

She spoke of her health, the weight gain and her revelation that she had been focusing on everything and everyone else first. As I sat and watched this show, I heard Oprah telling the world the very same things I hear from women and the men of wives all over the world who come to my Women in MLC (Mid Life Crisis) Forum. Oprah’s life cup was draining and the physical evidence is her weight gain. 

Could the illustrious Oprah Winfrey be experiencing a Mid-Life Crisis?!

In my head I went through the mid-life crisis litmus quiz that we give everyone at the forum, which is made up of triggers that have occurred over the past five to ten years. With the public information we know is true, let’s put Oprah to the test by using these triggers that we know the answers to:

• Death or experiencing Grief – Two of Oprah’s much beloved dogs died in the past two years. The dogs for Oprah were considered family or much like her own children…so, consider this the death of a child…twice! Add in any other significant others who have passed in the past five to ten years.
• Increased responsibility at Work – Oprah opened her school for girls in South Africa., plus she had to deal with a public event of a worker who had been accused of mistreatment of the girl’s at the school. The premier and subsequent building of a top magazine. Her support of Barack Obama in his campaign. To much more to list. The woman is a work alcoholic! 
• Health Issues and Illness – Oprah was diagnosed with a thyroid condition and possible heart issues. She has been in treatment and dealing with it. Add in her admitted struggle with her weight.  
• Moving – How many houses does Oprah have in how many areas of the world? I have lost count, but with each new residence that she has acquired, we could consider this a move for her, even though she probably has a team of people handling the redecorating and move…it is still a move for Oprah.
• Childhood issues and/or History – We all know that Ms Winfrey was molested by a family member when she was young….this is an issue, along with her long time estrangement from her father until later on in her life. Are these issues really resolved? Ms Winfrey has always struggled with her weight and maybe she is still struggling with self-image issues that have reared their ugly heads later on in life. She has admitted that much of her outgoing personality we see on TV comes from her childhood need to be accepted.
• Finances: Increase or Decrease – Oprah is the richest or one of the richest and powerful women in the world. The pressure of being a wealthy person can and could be very dominating…it bears a heavy responsibility. Many people are dependant upon her for their livelihoods AND as we all know, money does not buy happiness. In the ever increasing concern over the economy, Oprah and her money mangers may be concerned over what she has invested her money in and what she will be able to do in the future.  
• Relationships – Since Ms Winfrey keeps her relationship with her long time partner Stedman Graham very private, only he would know the answers to the following:
o Has Oprah dropped the “I Love You But I am Not In Love With You” statement on you lately?
o How’s your sex life? Non-existent? Struggling? Low sexual –libido?
o Is she asking for more space?
o Any suspicions about relationships with other people?
o Do the two of you have a history of affairs or cheating? (Maybe the reason for the intense interest in “Why Men Cheat”.)

Oprah hits several targets straight on with many of the public knowledge and answers to MLC Triggers. The rest is her private business, but if we did know the answers to these other questions, I could definitively say that Oprah Winfrey is just like many other women in the US and around the world.  

I know many people will not be organizing a collective “pity party” for the queen of daytime talk shows over her present state, but the fact that we can see that even Oprah can possibly go through a Mid-life Crisis makes her a bit more human. All the money in world or celebrity can NOT keep a person from avoiding the dreaded MLC.  

The important thing that we need to take note of is that Ms Winfrey is NOT in denial...she has realised her priority is to take care of herself first and as long as she doesn't start weeding out her relationships,  maintaining her coping skills and realises that change comes through subconscious change and not conscious change...well, she will transition through this time in her life in Oprah Winfrey fashion.  

Oprah is having a Mid-life Crisis and hers will be a very public one!

PS: Oprah: You are alsways welcome at our forum: Women in MLC.

 

On The Humorous Side: The Hot Flash Club

Welcome to the Hot Flash Club!

Whether you like it or not...this is the beginning of the rest of your life and it will be ushered in on a heat wave...it's too bad it couldn't happen on the beaches of Maui or the Bahamas...reality decided to have it happen across the landscape of your face, neck and body...OH, JOY!!! Isn't middle-age an adventure?!!!

Prepare yourself to coordinate your wardrobe with your coloring from now on...RED is going to be your enemy for the near term! Make sure you don't wear all red, because when you have a hot flash your clothes and skin will blend together...you'll look like a red hot chili pepper and I don't mean you will look like a member of the band with the same name...Oh…you'll look hot, but not sexy...hot...you'll be burning red hot all over...and there will be nothing chilly about you...your new nickname will be Pepper.

Don't worry though you'll learn how to do the newest mid-life dance craze...The Hot Flash...it is a striptease of sorts...there is nothing sexy about it...when you are finished you are dripping with sweat, standing naked in front of a fan and God help the man that wants to touch you after your performance! Your response to this will be: "You're kidding me...Right?!"

Your newest friend, who is replacing your old "friend" is full of as many surprises...but this time you will discover places that you never knew could sweat...new places that have aches and pains...but here is the bonus...you won't remember why...it's kind of like when you gave birth...all the pain of labor...you cursed your husband for putting through it…but afterward you don't remember any of it...so stupid you...you, do it again...then, you remember...you curse your husband...then forget again. Oh...yeah...you start to ramble… a lot because you can't remember your point. Yes, it affects your brain...the few brain cells you have left.

And the grand prize for entering into the Hot Flash Era is (drum roll, please!)

You will never have to worry about wearing white pants ever again!

Welcome...to Mid-Life...embrace the "hot"...and whatever you do... don't sweat the small stuff...it will be over in a flash!

Amy L. Harden Copyright 2008

Guest Blogger: The Lazy Women's Guide to MidLife Reinvention

With all due respect to Oprah, the life coach industry, and my overly-enthusiastic friend Y. who keeps insisting I live an "authentic" life, I'm beginning to think this midlife reinvention stuff is strictly for the birds.

It sounds simple enough in theory. Relying on the wisdom and experience that comes to us at midlife, we take a leap of faith and pursue our deepest passions. Armed with little more than faith in ourselves and a copy of The Secret in our hands, we go forth expecting good things to certainly come our way. 

And let's be honest - after decades spent raising kids, climbing the corporate ladder, and living with the same, predictable man, who among us isn't ready to shake things up a bit? 

Aiding and abetting us is an entire industry that's sprung up to support our ventures. From books to videos to weekend retreats, there is no shortage of charlatans - oops, I mean professionals - lining up to tell us how to get to the next big thing in our lives. 

At 47, I've ploughed through my fair share of reinvention attempts. From the would-be crafting business ($700 in supplies yielded three scarves, one sleeve and zero sales) to the "youthful and playful" hairstyle my new stylist talked me into (he goes by the name of Jean Paul but I prefer to think of him as Edward Scissorhands on speed), I've tried diligently to reinvent myself but sadly, never quite made the grade. 

Reflecting on my failures to launch, I believe I've learned a thing or two about the awakening that comes at this stage of life. As a gesture of support and solidarity for the midlife women who might be reading this, I'd like to pass on some thoughtful advice to make your own midlife reinventions go just that much more smoothly. 

The Lazy Woman's Guide To Midlife Reinvention

1. It's more fun talking about reinvention than actually reinventing.
The planning stage is by far the most rewarding part of the process. What can beat long, contemplative walks, detailed list making of our strengths and interests and endless discussions with friends over dinner about hopes, plans and dreams. 

Play your cards right and you can remain in this stage indefinitely.

2. Don't write a book - read a book.
For those of you who dream of penning the great Canadian novel, try reading a book instead.

Most of us are so busy that we barely have time to read a book. Wouldn't it be a challenge just to start one and finish it in a reasonable amount of time?

And I'm not talking about the dry and slightly depressing Canadian literature your book club insists on reading because it makes them feel intellectual. I'm talking about a good, juicy, Chick Lit read that you can't put down, even if it makes you feel slightly dirty when you're done. 

3. Forget being a Cougar, chasing sexy, younger men. Go after the old guys instead.
Not only is the competition less stiff, older men are much easier to catch. I mean come on - which 40-something woman among us can't outrun an octogenarian in a wheel chair?

4. If you're itching to start a business, keep things on a small scale.
Sure we hear about the success stories but if the truth be told, most businesses fail within a year or two of start-up. 

If you really must scratch your entrepreneurial itch, might I suggest taking a cue from all the mompreneurs of Generation X. Create a simple product and market it from the comfort of your own home. 

I, for one, am waiting for some enterprising midlife woman to invent much needed products like Flash Memory Cards to combat those embarrassing short-term memory blips that come with middle age.

5. Skip the makeover - just get rid of your mirrors.
Why spend thousands on Botox, fillers, a new hairstyle and wardrobe? You're still the same, wonderful person inside that you've always been. 

--Karen Hamilton lives in Toronto, Canada, where she publishes The Best Kept Secret, an e-newsletter and Web site for women over 40. Like the proverbial Seinfeld of the perimenopause set, Karen is fascinated with “the little things” of midlife. You can reach Karen via e-mail at karen@thebestkeptsecret.ca, visit her Web site at www.thebestkeptsecret.ca or enjoy more of her quirky humour at The Best Kept Secret Blog http://blog.thebestkeptsecret.ca/ .

MidLife Mindset - You Always Have the Power!

I have been taking a much needed break from all my blogging at various web sites to work on my upcoming book on Women in MLC. Indeed, there is very little out there for women who are going through Mid-life Crisis...in fact, the age for the crisis keeps on dropping...but the textbook quality of what is happening is not changing...just what we are calling it. Most books on MLC skim over the pain, hurt, confusion and frustration...they expect every woman to be able to breeze through the change or just pick themselves up by the boot straps and move on. The women that can do this are NOT in crisis...they are merely in transition. Transitioning women have the needed coping skills, the needed support and a positive mindset to work through the changes that are occurring in their lives, while those who are in crisis become lost, confused and frustrated... they don't have the tools to fix or deal with what is going on....they need to go back and get or replenish their life's toolbox.

Hitting mid-life is not necessarily a criteria for falling into life crisis...it is very apparent in my research that our younger sisters and daughters are also having difficulty in finding the meaning to their lives. Thirty year olds are now having the Quarter-Life Crisis (QLC), the Twenty year olds are being lumped in with QLC's but I call them Bi-centennial-life Crisis (BLC)...if anyone knows the real name for this age...tell me...I can't find it. BUT...all of these women are struggling with their identities, their significance, what makes them excellent; worthy...they want to create meaning in their lives...find happiness and abundance. Why? The meaning of way we live our life in our society has changed over the years...what used to be taboo is no longer AND we live lives that are at a much faster pace with larger expectations attached. We are inundated with messages...definitions that do not correlate with the way we were raised or the way our parents were raised. In our day and time...just about anything goes...we consciously believe that we can live without boundaries and deal breakers BUT the fact that our family histories or legacies rule our days subconsciously, we tend become fragmented, unbalanced...confused. In the end, whatever your age, no matter what triggers or symptoms that you believe is causing the crisis...it all goes back to your perspective or your mindset...it is what you believe to be true about your life!

Knowledge, understanding, a positive mindset...an understanding about the way your brain works, along with a strong life strategy is the foundation and framework you need to live a life of significance, success and abundance. If you don't have these things in your toolbox...it is time to go back and get them. Only you can do this...it is hard work...it takes perseverance, strength and a willingness to go full out! If you are at the point that you will do anything and everything to be happy...then start with your inner being first...do NOT rely on others to steer your life's ship...YOU must be the master and commander of your life's direction. Destructive behaviors, such as affairs, addictions, divorce, over spending are NOT an option...the mess you will make with these behaviors will only destroy you in the end. Do you really need to have others tell you their stories of how these behaviors destroyed them? Only teenagers believe that they are invincible...you are long past this stage...let's start where you are! Discernment will be your best friend throughout this change...you will have to sift through all the information that is given you. Start using your brain first...your heart always follows...in fact...it is your brain that controls the heart...not the other way around. Wrap your mind around this understanding...if you can do this...you have made a grand step forward!

Please stay tuned because I will be posting articles and creating a new blog named " Mindset for Life. on this subject that will help you, but in the mean time, I highly recommend anyone wanting to get a head start, please purchase or download a copy of John Assaraf's book, "Having It All: Achieving Life's Goals and Dreams". The audio version is excellent because Mr. Assaraf reads the book himself and his passion and knowledge on the subject is electrifying. Mr. Assaraf is a highly successful business man and he applies his theories and strategies to every aspect of his life....you can too by listening, learning and doing the techniques outlined in his book! I have had great success and abundance in all aspects of my life since reading, learning and using the techniques that John Assaraf teaches.  Please take the time to go my video bar and watch Mr. Assaraf speak on "Having It All".  If you ever have the chance of  seeing John Assaraf in person...GO....you will glad that you did!

Finally, it really doesn't quite matter what your age is anymore...all human beings move or transition through the seasons of life...this we have no control over...BUT...we do have control of HOW we transition...we can either choose the transition, work and adjust to create positive change OR we can fall in to crisis, turn our lives upside down...destroy what is good and regret the bad and allow the change to eat us from the inside out. It IS your choice...which do you want...or should I say...which do you NEED?  

You have always had the power...the power is in positive mindset!

"Dorothy: Oh will you help me? Can you help me?
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
Dorothy: I have?
The Scarecrow: Then why didn't you tell her before?
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
The Tin Man: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"

Taken from Wikipedia on November 10, 2008. http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Wizard_of_Oz

Join us at Women in MLC: The Dorothy Syndrome at:

http://www.womenimlc.lefora.com/forum/

If Your Spouse is Cheating...It's All Your Fault!

The most popular topic on the Oprah.com lately has been about the two most recent visits by Dr. M. Gary Neuman, author of “Why Men Cheat”. Women by the millions tuned in both days to find out the answer to this most frustrating, devastating and destructive subject, only to find out that, in a nut shell, it was primarily their fault. Did you hear the deafening, angry screaming coming from all the homes of Oprah fans across the nation...probably across the world? Every married woman, whether they had been cheated on or not, leapt out of their seats screaming, “Are you kidding me? It's MY fault! Oh, no, it's NOT!

Dr. M. Gary Neuman has got it wrong about why men cheat and he'll have it wrong for women too!

It doesn't have anything to do with the marriage or the relationship or sex. It has nothing to do with being a man or a woman...it has everything to do with being a broken human being.

Yes, it's about attention...but NOT the fact that the spouse isn't meeting the needs of their partner in the attention category.

Yes, most marriages get consumed by the every day stresses of raising a family, working and taking care of their homes. Marriage is work...relationships have their ups and downs...life happens. Husbands and wives enter in to their marriages with expectations that are perpetuated by the media, entertainment and a society that is sexually over-stimulated with little moral fortitude. This is a broad cultural explanation and not addressing the root causes of why human beings cheat on their mates.

The reason men AND women cheat is their mindset is wrong. They are relying on others to define them, feed their egos and fill holes that have been left empty since childhood. It is a flaw or disconnect with the individual that is cheating. Cheating occurs due to an inability to cope with an individuals life in the present, as a result of what has occurred in their past. The spouse is paying the bill for all of the past sins, circumstances, relationships and experiences that is stuffed in the cheaters baggage.

My research has shown most women and men who cheat are control freaks or perfectionists; either first-born, babies or only children in their families. Yes, it's more emotional than physical BUT if asked, you will discover certain personality traits, unresolved childhood issues that relate to physical/emotional abuse, exposure to addiction, broken homes or that their parents were cheaters too. Cheaters may have learned by example OR they've never met anyone's expectations or even met their own. They search for someone who will except the fantasy person that they portray.

Most spouses are doing what Dr. Neuman suggests: encouraging, paying attention, having intimacy.

On the first show there was the couple who was having great sex, family life, but he was still cheating! Even this man was confused about why he was cheating. Why? It's because it was NOT about his marriage, family or job. It WAS about him! He was subconsciously sabotaging his marriage, family and life. One of the other couples sat there with same dazed “This is not it either.” look on their faces. In the second show most of the couples seemed to not to accept what Dr, Neuman was saying...that it was about the attention they received from the other woman and the fact that the wife was not fulfilling her duties in giving the proper attention to her husband. HOGWASH!

I was able to get my free download of Dr. M. Gary Neuman's book titled "The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and How you Can Prevent It." that was offered following the first Oprah show that he appeared on. I have not read it yet and the above commentary is only on the Oprah shows that Dr. Neuman appeared and discussed why men cheat.

To be honest the audience was filled with uncomfortable and guilt ridden men and their wives that only wanted answers to why their husband cheated on them. To say that the women could not accept Dr. Neuman's explanation for why they cheat, would be an understatement. Most of the men sat taller in their seats as the doctor pointed the finger at the ladies, saying that they had to work harder at paying attention, having gratitude for what their husbands provided and did for them. Yet, when several women countered the good doctor on his direction by saying that this is a two way street with in the marriage AND that there is no excuse for cheating, especially in the case that a man's ego is not being fed. These women were angry and insisting, if not demanding that their husbands were not teenage boys with raging hormones, but mature adults that should be able to keep a moral code and ethic and not become weakened because their egos were not being stroked properly. Many women in the audience refused to accept the doctors theory and the commentary rages on in this vein after the show and on in the forums under this very same topic.

By the end of the show, the men were slouching in their seats again in a pool of their guilt, wondering why they did what they did, while their wives sat on the edges of their seats waiting to hear the correct answer or the real truth to 'Why men cheat?"

The solution to the cheating problem in both men and women has to come from the person who is cheating. Resolving childhood issues, finding their true north, practicing positive mindset which include affirmations, positive visualizations and healing their inner being, which will recalibrate a cheaters life. It is NOT about the wife and what she is or is not doing. It is NOT about the fact that the husband isn't getting enough sexual satisfaction. It is NOT about the marriage or the relationship. It is about the cheater sending out the vibration of a cheater, so they attract those who will help them cheat. It is about the emptiness that was there within the man or the woman even at the beginning of the marriage. The wife or husband has been able to fill the hole or feed the need until the cheater needs to up the ante, increase the dosage...get an attention fix. They choose to cheat! We are talking about a new type of addiction here...the addiction to people or attention...it is like a drug. Just like in other addictions the root lies in the past, in unresolved issues, low self-esteem, poor decisions and destructive behaviors. Does this sound familiar to anyone? It IS an addiction...not treated correctly...they will cheat again.

To blame the spouse for the cheaters actions is justification, rationalization and pointing blame in the wrong direction. The blame sits squarely on the cheater! It is up to the cheater to dig deep, work hard at resolving their problems and holding to their commitment to not choose to pick up their addiction again.

Dr.Neuman, you are wrong...wrong...wrong! Your explanation is only perpetuating this epidemic of cheating by pointing the finger of blame at the faithful partner. Shame on you!

Cyber Hot Flash: Do Parents today still have a voice in what their teens wear?

On the subject of whether or not parents still have a voice in what our teens wear:

You better believe that we still have something to say about what they wear...in our home our daughters and son know that they represent the whole family when they are out in public. Though we do give them or allow them to choose what they wear within the guidelines...while living under our roof they will wear the clothes that we approve of...please see the following:

Now, let me say this...my husband is a card carrying Preppy Handbook sort of guy...my kids have been trained under these guidelines since they were in the womb. Some have tested or tried to cross the line on this hard and fast description of style or fashion. As much of what is in the Handbook is classic...it is hard to argue with and is never met with too much fuss...and many of the brands that teens want to wear are carrying variations of this style...yet, these brands tend to break the bank...we do find one's that fill-out their wardrobe and don't cost as much.

By the time they hit 18 years old and are able to dress themselves by their own choosing...surprisingly enough they have all decided that Dad's way is the best way...my 20 year old daughter owns her own Preppy Handbook now and her younger sisters are following suit...my son has been a different story since he is a skateboarder...but even this group of fashion icons have turned their fashion sense toward a more preppy look...thank goodness! I thought my husband would fall through the floor when my son asked for a pair of those over sized, baggy jeans that don't stay up on their hips...he didn't get them!

My hard and fast rules...no cleavage...you have no breasts until you are married...minimize the bare skin...a nun's habit or priest collar is preferred...no droopy draws or showing of underwear or thongs...where did you put those Grandma undies or the Superman boxers I bought you?...no looking like you shopped by going through the Salvation Army bin...Vintage is okay...bag lady is not...no looking like you slept in your clothes...I realize what you wear is a statement on your personality or your way of self-expression...but wrinkles scream Lazy. If in doubt, consult your father's Preppy Handbook, if you can find the questionable piece of apparel within it(more than likely, you won't) AND your father doesn't have a problem with it...then more than likely I won't. These are my only requirements.

So, I guess the answer to your question is...train them up in the way they should go and when they are older they will not depart from it...OR...”while your under our roof you're not leaving this house in anything that we don't approve of...so, march back up those stairs and put on that ski parka and snow suit we bought you from L. L. Bean..AND...I don't care that we live in the south and it's summer!”

On the topic of tattoos, piercings, lewd T-shirts and high heels:

OMG...I had totally forgotten about the rules on piercings, tattoos, high-heeled shoes and questionable language on t-shirts...

My kids hate my response to this these...

Piercings: Girls can have their ears pierced. Your father and I will pay for two extra holes to be placed on your ear lobes for YOU to take care of, otherwise God has given you enough of these to take care of in the first place...and we have been struggling with getting you to take care of these since you were born. Boy's...you don't need two more, let alone one more...stop trying to make your life so difficult...enjoy the one's you have....you already do!

Tattoos: God has already given you tattoos...they're called birthmarks and moles...(Teenage groan)...Okay, try this one! If God wanted you to be a billboard then He would have put The Message on the outside of you instead of on the inside of you....(teenage groan)...Okay, let's try this one...I didn't carry you for nine months, apply gallons of Baby Magic and soak you in Mr. Bubble and then later become a stockholder in Bath & Body Works for you to decide at 16 to send me roses, declare your love for me or express your free spirit with a butterfly in a place that only God and I should see until your wedding day.

Boys: Your not old enough to be a sailor yet.

T-shirts- Girls - Hanes extra-large, no scoop necks, colors okay...stop showing me that Victoria Secret Catalog....if in doubt wear a turtleneck.

Boys - Plain, white or colored, will consider Sponge Bob, but that stupid cartoon drive me nuts. Refer to your father's Preppy handbook on this one.

High heeled shoes: Girls - If your nose starts bleeding...your heels are too high.

Boys: Son, why are you trying to channel Gene Simmons? Do I have something to worry about here?

Comments from a mother of four teenagers and one tween...who has to keep her sense of humor or she would be sitting in the corner drooling.

Copyright 2008 Amy Harden

Women at Mid-Life Dreaming of Divorce While Happily Married

"She's Happily Married, Dreaming of Divorce" http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/26/o.divorce.dreams/, an article by Ellen Tien, a columnist at the Oprah Magazine was recently brought to my attention and asked to comment on it. Eagerly I clicked the link and began reading, wondering why it had been sent to me in particular for comment. As I read through the paragraghs, I soon realized why my friend had sent me this diatribe on a woman who claimed to be happily married, but secretly dreamed of being divorced...it was a perfect word picture of the many women that I write about, coach and speak to at events. Most importantly Ms Tein seemed to be planting the seed in her female readers minds that these feelings, dreams and desires were alright AND that their complaints and discontent were something that all wives have in common...so why not dream of divorce...in a very subtle way she was giving women permission to even act on their divorce dreams...she said it without even saying it. The resulting disgruntled and mostly negative comments that followed seemed to bear my overall reaction to the article out. I was unable to add my comments to the long list due to the fact that CNN had suspended commentary...so, I bring my comments here to our lovely group, just in case you read this article in the May issue of "O" magazine or caught it on the web.

Yes, this IS a thoroughly depressing view of marriage...yet a real...true statement of where our view of marriage is and what it has become. Not only is this a depressing view of marriage...it is also a horrible statement on the role of women in the United States and maybe even the world today. I am not talking about our roles as wives and mothers...I am talking about our view of who we are as women in today's world.

Women today are so caught up with being DIVAS and bitches...being bulldogs instead of being women of excellence, significance and grace.... embaracing elegance. We have taken the power that we gained through equality and morphed it into something bigger than we can truly handle. We convince ourselves that the grass is really greener on the other side, while forgetting that all who risk checking out the greener grass discover that the grass is green no matter what side of the fence they are on...no matter whose backyard they are in...Green IS green...it's all grass!

Articles like this one are extremely harmful to women, their families and their marriages. It gives permission to many women who are on the fence...trying to decide if they should remain in their own backyard or explore others. It gives a woman the sense or a feeling that they are not alone in their questioning...in their discontent...it fans a fire that naturally comes around at mid-life...one that every one of our mother's had ...even our grandmothers...but society at the time did NOT give them permission to explore. This article and other books that are being written for women in MLC are encouraging them to throw their morals and ethics aside, grant themselves permission to step out of their responsibilities and roles and be mavericks...focusing purely on themselves, their wants , needs and desires. It is shallow! It IS narcissistic! But then that is what our society has been doing ever since the "ME generation" came in to existence....it's just a continuation of the thought pattern. It didn't really work then...it doesn't work now.

As usual, women of the United States easily eat up what ever the media or Oprah feeds them...convinced that this is the gospel truth. The fact that this article appears in Oprah's magazine MUST mean that she agrees with the author. it must be okay...Right?! NO!!! Not even Oprah expects everyone to accept what she feeds them...she does expect women and men to be discerning in what information she is providing. Not even Oprah agrees with all the people who are on her guest coach on certain subjects.

This is what is important about this article...indeed this is a problem that many women today are struggling with...in fact the majority of women at middle age deal with these very same questions, discontent and inability to cope with their lives as they know it. The problem with this article IS...the author infers that it is okay to feel this way AND she even plants the seed that it is okay to even act upon these thoughts. This is NOT okay. The "everybody else is doing it "bandwagon is in full tilt here. Who says this at 40, 50, and 60 years old? Women and men who have not matured enough to evaluate their circumstances clearly...measure their emotions and the possibilities of their actions if indeed they decide to act upon leaving their marriage...that's who says this sort of thing. A teenager throws this response at their parent when they have been caught drinking, smoking or having sex. Are we to accept that it is okay as mothers and wives...women...that because we are presently discontent it is okay to act like our children? How is that being a good role model?

Ladies, we do not have to accept every message that the media or people of other viewpoints are throwing at us. Just because we ALL feel discontent, boredom, empty, frustrated and confused about our lot in life does NOT mean that we throw away our marriages and our family as we know it today. We have the power to change it...we have to realize that the answers are living in our own backyards...the power lies with in US....not our husbands...our children...our homes.

Everything this author has pointed out in her story as a point of contention in this marriage is in this women's control...she has just chosen not to do something about it...she has chosen to be a victim of her own circumstances. As she points the blame at her husband and children, she is preparing her justifications for any actions or behaviors she might take in the future, no matter how right or wrong.

As women and even as men...we need to look at our hand when we are pointing blame and giving ourselves permission...one finger points at another person...all the rest are pointing back at ourselves...who's to blame? Who ends up being the victims in the end? Think about it!

Final words: We end up sacrificing our life legacy by selfishly seeking temporary pleasures or successes and being a part of a women's movement that is still trying to figure who they are in the grand scheme of things...we end up throwing our husbands and children under the bus....we end up only hurting ourselves.

(C)Amy L Harden 2008 All rights reserved.

A Letter to Dorothy on The Yellow Brick Road

Letter was written on Facebook by Devon Capman

(To women of Menopause who feel they are over the rainbow in support of:
Author/Speaker/ Coach/Admitted Mid-life Crazy Amy L. Harden - Thank you Amy)

Dear Dorothy,
What a wonderful work you are doing there "over the rainbow". I hope the blue bird I acquired delivers this note properly in the right spirit, and your heart receives it in the light of those who love you at home.

While there is "no place like home", we are praying for your efforts there that you would save as many as you can, to help them get home too.
What a precious gift it is to reach out and help those who think they may need a brain, when all they actually need a little direction (and maybe some meds - lol) and a flow of encouraging words.

Having the heart to love the right things takes courage. It seems with all the elements involved that you are facing numerous adverse adventures and trials every moment you are there.

By all means "Do" pay attention to what is behind the curtain when the time comes and share with your travelers that they have most of what they need already, though it will be tested. That's where your character should shine and mature as you go through that valley of experience.

Be aware, of course, the wicked witch will use many a romantic “Munchkin” or mean and angry "Monkeys" to take advantage of your disorientation.

We, too, have learned to be so thankful, for everything we are hoping for in you, and miss you immensely. You are a very important part of us. Please remember this.

Don’t dance too much with the scare crow and forget your focus, but DO have some fun.
Don’t let the Tin man, in sharing his heartache, keep you from helping him, find his way. (Your purpose for being there)
Don’t let the Lion keep you from facing the witch and the trials and trouble she sends your way. You must defeat her with what you have, because it is your only hope of getting home.

Remember the witch is feels the pressure of the urgency of time as a heavy weight upon her so she will lie at every turn to keep you there. Your feet must stay on the proper path without straying. The flying monkeys are just there to scare you. Remember us back here praying for you and draw from that strength. This is why you need those slippers of His peace to lead you home. (let you feet be shod in the peace of the gospel... remember?)

Do hurry, we love you so. Rescue as many as you can, for there is no place like home. We feel empty and incomplete without you. Fight that good fight of faith.

Your loving family,
Uncle Henry, Kansas

PS The wizard apologizes for the mishap of leaving without you. He has helped us in understanding what trouble you are in. Looking for your safe arrival. Come home soon.
Also Hi from your Auntie Em, and Hunk, Zeke, Hickory, and Professor Marvel

Written by Devon Capman 8-4-2008
To women of Menopause who feel they are over the rainbow in support of:
Author/Speaker/ Coach/Admitted Mid-life Crazy Amy L. Harden

Postcard from The Yellow Brick Road

Dear Uncle Henry:

Never thought I would find myself in OZ again, but for some reason I have forgotten the lessons I learned a long time ago when I visited here when I was just a teen.

Now that I have become a mother,wife and career woman...I have become consumed by it. I no longer see the rainbows or the bluebirds...these things always made me happy. Hunk, Zeke, Hickory dismiss the way I am feeling with a simple, "It's just a phase or Come on, kid...just get over it!" This new Toto has become more of a problem than the old Toto was and Toto was the cause of my last trip to OZ, ya know. Maybe my problem is these dogs.

I don't know what this trip will entail, but I know that I will be looking up the Scarecrow, Tin man and Lion...maybe they can help me find my brain, heart and courage. Bumped into the Good Witch of North when I first arrived and she gave me the same pair shoes. Can't remember for the the life of me, why I needed those shoes...so, I am off to see the Wizard again...maybe he will be able to tell me how my life got to be such a mess or is it a mess?...I am so confused.

Got to go...those Flying Monkeys you mentioned in your letter are circling overhead, which means the Wicked Witch is nearby. Getting a bit "home"sick...but I just don't know what "home" is anymore.

Your Loving niece,

Dorothy

To everyone who is reading this:

Devon's writing here is absolutely wonderful...he has caught the concept of what I do, but before there is any misunderstanding...I want to clarify that I (Amy Harden) am not Dorothy...I once was a Dorothy, but I am no longer...I have been called by a higher power to lift women and men up and out of The Dorothy Syndrome. I am putting the finishing touches on a book dealing with this subject and coach women and men who are on the Yellow Brick Road who are dealing with Dorothy's in their lives. As I network across the internet at all the social networks for women, I don't believe I see many Dorothy's among the women blogging, connecting and creating business ; all of them are wearing their ruby slippers and clicking them on a daily basis. My mission is to help those women that they can't reach yet. Dorothy is not ready for positive, uplifting, motivated. These women can't even think straight, they are confused , frustrated, depressed: barely able to get out of the bed on a daily basis.

I try to prepare them for these empowered ladies...so they will receive their messages and help...not dismiss them as another "Rah!-Rah!" Mid-lifer. Please ladies don't take this as an insult...it really isn't...it is just the way it is...there are women out there that are ready to hear you and then there are others that hate you for being so positive about life,your journey and mission. They are envious and jealous sometimes...they want what you have...they just don't know how to get out of the bed, out of the monotony of their lives to get. It is a bare bones, baby step process...time is what they need and most when you tell them what they need to do...they don't believe you, let alone have the energy to do it....thus you have "The Dorothy Syndrome". So, I travel with these ladies and men, helping them avoid the Flying Monkeys, leading them through the woods and the Poppy Field...slaying the Wicked Witch, not depending on the Wiz for answers. When Dorothy realizes it is really all up to her...she is ready to listen to you and follow your direction. I promise!

NEW Women In MLC: The Dorothy Syndrome Forum

What the heck is the Dorothy Syndrome and what does it have to do with mid-life crisis?

Well, it has everything to do with MLC! The Dorothy Syndrome is a phrase that I coined and is the premise for my upcoming book titled "The Dorothy Syndrome: Mid-life on the Yellow Brick Road". While coaching at another web site forum, I started using the metaphors used in one of my favorite stories and movies..."The Wizard of OZ". I was astonished at how easily I could use the dialog from the movie or premise of the story to describe the transitions, emotions, the typical experiences that occur during an MLC, whether it be for the woman or the man. The forum members could easily understand the correlations and even began using the same analogies that I had started in my discussions.

As a preliminary promotion of my upcoming book I have created a forum for both women and men to come discuss, receive encouragement and guidance on MLC. I will be continuing my dialog using the Dorothy Syndrome metaphor/analogy. The forum for the women is primarily for women who are experiencing the crisis themselves, not necessarily for women who are dealing with their husbands who are in MLC, while the men's side is for husbands dealing with a wife in MLC. This forum is a safe haven for the women and learning ground for the men. It has been only recently that women in MLC has been acknowledge as a true experience that we go through. In fact the degree of MLC that women experience is STILL downplayed or brushed off as something that the woman will just get over or will end when they're finished going through menopause. Do not kid yourself...this is real...it can get very bad...it has many causes and triggers...it doesn't miraculously go away. Many families are being torn apart by this new phenomena....BUT...there is hope...in the knowledge and understanding of the what I call the MLC tornado, the process that each MLCer MUST go through to discover that they have always had the power to go "home".

Come join me at www.womeninmlc.lefora.com/forum/ and discover what you can do to avoid the pitfalls of having the Dorothy Syndrome or if you are living with a Dorothy...discover what you need to do to keep the Flying monkeys at bay. Even if you are not experiencing this phenomena...learn about the syndrome...keep your eye out for the signs...be amazed at how common it is today...send the link to a friend who may be in need of our counsel.

Believe me when I tell you...a person who is in MLC must travel the Yellow Brick Road to discover their brain, heart and courage...you can not tell them these things...they wouldn't believe you anyways.

Please join us!

Before the Tornado of MidLife Crisis Hits!

This is from the women's perspective only...what is going on in her brain and how her body reacts...it may be different for some and this occurs over time...not in a day:

When my children were young...two in diapers, one in pull-ups, one barely potty trained, one very clingy...my days were long and hard...one of my children or several of my children climbing on me, being carried, held, bottle fed...it seemed like all day long someone or something was touching me or wanted me to touch them. By the end of the day, I was exhausted...every tiny nerve under my skin was on hyper-drive...I could feel the electricity of it at times to the point of overload. Combine this with the emotions that you must feel and calibrate all day long...it was no wonder when my H came home and wanted a hug or God forbid wanted to intimate...his touch downright hurt or made the electric feeling underneath my skin streak through my body like electric shock. It was horrible. It was tiring...my H just didn't understand it. My sense of touch and being touched was way over stimulated....sexy this feeling did not make me. My only escape was sleep and even in sleep I could not be touched...forget sleeping like spoons, hugging, wrapped around one another...if my H touched me by accident while sleeping, I would bolt awake like I had hit by lightening.

As the years went by, this feeling changed...it turned in to numbness...my brain shut down when I was touched...in an effort to protect myself from the intense reactions...I started to not have any reaction to anything, physically or mentally...I flat lined...it was like my nervous system was broken from over use. I couldn't control it...my body was taking over just like when I was pregnant...you just have to go with it, you think. No matter how I tried I couldn't react...the fog...the numbness continued to set in...it was just like the main switch on my electrical board had switched in to the permanent "off" position...I just couldn't jump start myself and if I tried I immediately went in to overload again and I would crash in to numbness again. No matter how you look at it your whole body and emotions are out of whack...there is no escaping it and soon you grow tired of being tired and being in the "off" position...you feel like you are dieing a slow death from the inside out. You can't fight it anymore...you give in....OR maybe just maybe, if you could get away from what you believe is causing it. Yes, "flying" is a good answer...when you leave the house alone...the numbness slightly subsides...if you go to a room alone...the fog slightly lifts...when you are with others that don't expect anything from you or know nothing about you...you can be the person you dream of being without the fog, the numbness...most of all you can "breath". That is really all you want at this point...is to "breath"....to stand still for a very long time, doing nothing and just breathing. In doing this you can convince yourself that you are still alive... you are not lost...you are in here in each moment...not moving forward or backward...you just ARE!

BUT...this is not reality...life bombards you...as hard as you try to stand and just "be"...you feel attacked from all sides...draining the itty-bitty drops of strength or energy you regained while you had removed yourself from what you believe is sucking you drier than a desert. Leaving for short periods of time or escaping to your bedroom with door closed doesn't cut it anymore...you remove yourself completely! You make the decision to leave or you start evaluating who or what is the primary thing or person that causing you to feel like you do. Even though the kids do add to your present state...life is much easier when your H is not present...with his presence gone, maybe you could regain your life and he can take care of himself...he's an adult.

All you want is the numbness to go away...the fog to lift...you grow desperate...you have to do something or die!

Stay tuned...more to come...

If you are experiencing or anything you have read sounds familiar to you and you have a sneaking suspicion that you may be in Mid Life Crisis (MLC), please feel free to contact me here at my blog. I would be more than happy to direct you to the best places to receive encouragement or even take you on as a coaching client.